


Me Like Yuh

by seonweonsonyeondan



Series: Party Bands [1]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Rock Band, Light Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, Recreational Drug Use, Side HyungWonho, Side ShowHyuk, Slow Burn, Smut, Threesome - M/M/M, side Jackheon, side sugakookie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-19
Updated: 2018-01-04
Packaged: 2019-02-04 09:20:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 30,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12767874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seonweonsonyeondan/pseuds/seonweonsonyeondan
Summary: If Changkyun could pinpoint the moment he knew without the shadow of a doubt Tiger Moth had ‘Made It’, he would say it was the moment his idol, his hero, the cause of his sexual awakening, Yoo Kihyun blew smoke in his face and told him to fuck off.----Alternately: Changkyun has a big fat crush on his childhood idols and Kihyun keeps him at arm's length until he doesn't.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Title from the song of the same name by Jay Park.

If Changkyun could pinpoint the moment he knew without the shadow of a doubt Tiger Moth had ‘Made It’, he would say it was the moment his idol, his hero, the cause of his sexual awakening, Yoo Kihyun blew smoke in his face and told him to fuck off.

But in interviews, Changkyun just says they’re excited to be here. That they’re all caught up in the excitement and buzz of touring with the iconic band, the Newtons. And there’s been a  _ lot _ of interviews lately. They released an album a week and a half before fucking off on tour with the Newtons and they really haven’t had the time to breathe, let alone let the weight of their situation to sink in. Even if they forget they're playing to sold out crowds night after night, the screams and chanting and the bruises are there to remind them.

Right now, Changkyun is sitting backstage, drenched in sweat, gulping down as much water as he can. The show tonight was particularly intense, the crowd feeding them some incredible energy. His veins are still buzzing and he’s half-convinced if he focused enough he might be able to electrocute Jackson from across the room.

Jackson and Jooheon are already back in their bubble, babbling away about the show and the energy and the crowd and what drugs they are going to do at the afterparty. Changkyun can’t focus on their conversation long enough to follow along so he just waits his turn for a shower in the backstage bathroom. Hani comes out, refreshed and dressed in the outfit she always wears when she DJs the afterparty. She raises an eyebrow at Changkyun as she slides into the couch next to him.

“Have Dumb and Dumber decided on what drugs they’re going to do?” She squeezes her hair with the towel, eyeing the other members tiredly. Changkyun shrugs and passes her a water bottle.

“Dunno, I stopped listening the fifth time Jooheon said  _ penetrate _ .” Changkyun crinkles his nose. He doesn’t want to know. Jackson and Jooheon have their thing and it will stay Their Thing and Their Thing Only as long as Changkyun can help it. He doesn’t want to think  _ more _ about his bandmates’ sex lives than he already has to. Hani snorts and tosses her towel over to the other two members.

“Stop talking about how you got a boner on stage and decide on some drugs. I’m heading over to the club. Any of you joining or are y’all staying here to watch again?” Changkyun ignores the pointed look thrown his way. They all know how much he loves this band. They all know that even though they all want to be the next Newtons, if they stopped making music tomorrow, for Changkyun, they will have succeeded.

“You already know my answer,” Changkyun mutters. He looks around the dressing room and spots the extra towels their manager snagged from the hotel. Jackson’s already standing up, yelling excitedly about getting pizza or nachos or “ _ dude _ , both and then putting the nachos on top!” Jooheon is agreeing adamantly and Changkyun is certain Jackson and Jooheon are going to have heart attacks before they even get to the band’s 10 year anniversary.

He rolls his eyes and grabs a change of clothes and rushes through his shower. His favorite part about being on tour with his favorite band in the whole wide fucking universe starts in less than 20 minutes.

The first night of the tour, Minhyuk tried to get some bonding to happen between Tiger Moth and the Newtons. It mostly worked? Except for the part where Kihyun told a very talkative, very high Changkyun to fuck off. Changkyun doesn’t blame the man; he had been rattling on about the Newtons’ influences and it was very obvious that Kihyun didn’t particularly want to be talked at or to. But Changkyun in general is not particularly good at picking up social cues and once you add drugs to the mix, he is completely useless.

At least the rest of the band thought it was hilarious.

Needless to say Changkyun has kept a respectful distance from Kihyun since then. 

He’s changed and clean after his shower and rushes to the side of the stage, almost barrelling over Hyungwon, the tour’s sound guy. 

“Whoa, watch out, kid.” Hyungwon lifts a case above his head. Changkyun still hasn’t quite figured out how such a spindly man can lift things half his weight. “You’re not late. They’re still doing their ritual.”

Changkyun follows Hyungwon’s nod to where all the members are huddled in a circle, hushed tones that Changkyun can’t quite make out over the ambient noise. They’re all nodding along to something Kihyun is saying. Changkyun imagines it’s something profound. He lingers on the side, trying to stay out of the way and out of sight. 

Hyungwon stands off to the side, chatting with Hoseok. They’re all so calm; the only people who look even remotely nervous are Changkyun and the Newtons’ newest member, Seungyoon. He’s nodding, fists clenching and unclenching, toes tapping. When he glances up, he meets Changkyun’s eye so Changkyun awkwardly shoots Seungyoon a thumbs up. Seungyoon sticks his tongue out and goes back to paying attention to whatever Minhyuk’s saying. 

Then they’re on stage, the venue in pitch darkness save for the countdown that Changkyun has memorized. Adrenaline spikes in his blood again, as if it was him on stage with them instead of standing off to the side. The crowd is roaring and it makes Changkyun’s fingers tingle.

The Newtons tear through their set, opening with the song that put them on the map. Kihyun knows when to let the crowd sing for him, knows when to show off how well his voice has matured. He leans into the crowd, grabbing the outstretched hands, grinning like this is still the first time he’s ever played a venue this big. Changkyun has to force himself to look somewhere else other than him. 

Minhyuk’s fingers slap out the signature funk bass lines that separated them from all the other pop punk bands of the 90s. His face shows the unbridled passion, eyes wild as his mouth stays in a slight grimace. He hops from one side of the stage to the other, draping himself on the back of Seungyoon who’s laughing and screaming all the lyrics. 

Seungyoon should look out of place, an outsider amongst legends with his babyface and obvious youth, but he doesn’t. He switches between the piano and his guitar so effortlessly. Changkyun used to feel jealous when he heard that the Newtons were adding a new member for their live shows. He always dreamed it’d be him, but then Tiger Moth took off and he actually got to know Seungyoon. Seungyoon is beyond talented and it sounds like the long-time fans love him just as much. He grins wolfishly at Minhyuk, daring him to out cheese him. 

Hyunwoo pounds away at his drumkit, scars from his accident covered by his tattoos snaking down his neck and arms. Changkyun will always be in awe of how precise his movements are. Hyunwoo exists in his own world in the band; he’s their backbone, but he also is separate. He’s not as flashy as the rest of the group.

It’s strange. Changkyun knows he’s good enough to stand on the same stage. They’ve been on tour for almost a month now, but he still feels like he’s 13, standing in the front row, amazed to be even in the same room as the greatest rock band of all time. At least to him. He can’t help getting swept up in the excitement. He’s bouncing on the balls of his feet, a wide grin on his face. Hoseok stands next to him at one point, grabbing him by the shoulders and headbanging like he wasn’t 32 years old.

Just like that, it’s time for their encore stage. They wave as they exit the stage, patting Changkyun on the back as they pass. Kihyun just nods, but that’s more than enough for Changkyun. They catch their breath, down some water, and wait. Minhyuk comes to stand next to Changkyun, grinning like the unhinged madman he is.

“Still enjoying the show?” Minhyuk runs a towel through his hair and shakes. “Can’t help but notice that the rest of your crew has already fucked off to the afterparty.”

Changkyun shrugs before answering. “Hani needs to do a soundcheck. Jooheon and Jackson are probably fucking somewhere. Or taking drugs. Or both. I’d rather soak it all in.”

“Mmm, sure. Soaking it all in,” Minhyuk drawls. Changkyun raises an eyebrow at him. “If you’re not careful, I won’t be the only one who notices why you stay.”

And like that, Minhyuk’s on Hyunwoo’s back, getting riled up for their final three songs. Kihyun and Seungyoon are talking with Hoseok; Changkyun thinks one of them broke a string. Kihyun’s nodding, serious expression on his face. Seungyoon keeps tapping his toes and Changkyun finds himself walking over to listen. No one notices. 

“I’ve retuned the fiddle and the mandolin. The heat just keeps fucking it all up.” Hoseok scratches his head. His eyebrows are scrunched up and his lips pout every time he speaks. If Hoseok and Hyungwon weren’t so obviously an item, Changkyun knows he would have already tried his luck. He isn’t made of stone. “I’ll make sure to do one final check before you get the fiddle, but. Just. I dunno, double check or whatever.”

“Ugh, alright. As long as it’s not obvious, no one will notice that much.” Seungyoon stretches his back out. Kihyun noisily exhales through his nose. When he glances up, Kihyun makes eye contact with Changkyun. Changkyun resists the urge to either vomit or fall to his knees. Neither seem particularly appropriate. He thought by now he’d have gotten used to how intense Kihyun can be when he’s still in his stage persona. Changkyun was wrong. He’s still just as affected by Kihyun’s hazy glare as he was the first time he saw the Newtons live.

“Whatever works, Seok. Just gotta make sure ‘Oi’ sounds right. Anything after that is gravy.” Kihyun cracks his neck, nods, and walks back to the entrance to the stage. Seungyoon taps Changkyun’s jaw and smirks.

“Maybe later you can put that mouth to better use than letting it gape.” Seungyoon raises his arms above his head, letting the hickie Changkyun left a couple nights ago show briefly. Changkyun gulps and laughs.

“I was kinda hoping to see what your lips look like around my co--”

“OH-KAY! Seungyoon, you gotta be on stage in like, 30 seconds. Flirt after the show.” Hoseok shoves the cackling Seungyoon back to where the rest of the band waits. Hoseok whirls around to Changkyun. “Seriously, kid?”

“What? I’m not made of  _ stone _ , Hoseok. A man’s got  _ needs _ .” Hoseok looks like Changkyun just described the contents of  _ 2 Girls 1 Cup _ and not stated a reasonable fact.

“Just. Not during the show, dude.”

“He started it,” Changkyun calls after Hoseok. He quickly checks the group chat, wondering if Hani had finished her set-up yet. It’s just full of selfies of Jackson and Jooheon with Hani yelling at them for smoking in the hotel bathroom again. He takes one final look at the stage and shoots a text saying he’s on his way.

Chankyun plops down in the chair next to Hani, watching as she sends text after text to her girlfriend.

“Thank fuck for unlimited texts, huh?”

Hani doesn’t even look up when she responds. “And also for data. Did Jackson and Jooheon score or are they just tossing each other off in the alley?”

“I think both?” Changkyun looks around the small club. He briefly saw the two troublemakers when he arrived. “They looked suspiciously calm.”

Hani snorts. “You’d think after playing shows twice a week they’d mellow out a bit.”

She finally pockets the phone and actually looks at Changkyun. She looks exhausted. Changkyun pats her thigh and leans further back into the chair.

“Everything okay?” Changkyun watches as Hani sighs and rubs her temples. Her hair is pulled up into a bun, purple hair fading into bright blue tips sticking out from where they haven’t quite fully grown out. 

“Yeah, just the usual with Irene. And my mom. It’s fine.” She drops her head onto Changkyun’s shoulder. “It’s just tiring on top of the tour.”

Changkyun makes a noise of agreement. They’re still new to this whole long tour thing. The longest tour they did was Warped Tour last summer, but they signed on with the Newtons for seven months. It’s a long time to not sleep in their own beds. Or see loved ones.

“But Irene is coming when we’re back on the West coast isn’t she? For a couple dates?”

Hani nods, still frowning. Changkyun decides to drop it. They all have their things. He fiddles around on his phone for a while, responding to tweets from fans, posting on Instagram. Maybe he should start drinking. He feels a little…empty now that he’s had a little while to mellow out from the concert. Besides, people will start showing up for the afterparty in less than an hour. Changkyun’s allowed to indulge. He’s a goddamned rockstar now, damn it!

He’s a good five to six drinks in when Minhyuk and Seungyoon arrive, freshly showered and still riding the adrenaline from the concert. Changkyun shoves shots into their hands, whooping when Seungyoon downs his. Minhyuk laughs and hands his off to Seungyoon.

“Can't help but notice you didn't stay the whole time.” Seungyoon moves into Changkyun’s space, lazy smirk on his face. God, his lips are so plump. Changkyun wants them on his dick. Changkyun lets his tongue flick out briefly. 

“Uh, yeah. Hani needed me?” Changkyun glances around, hoping no one was noticing them. And maybe to see if the rest of the band had arrived. Seungyoon gently turns his attention back to him.

“You sure about that?” Changkyun watches Seungyoon lick his lips. Lord, give Changkyun strength to not just take Seungyoon to the bathroom so early in the night. He really doesn't want to be always hooking up with Seungyoon, but he's very weak to ballsy men.

“Uhm. Yeah.” When Changkyun looks back over the crowd he spots the bright pink faux hawk he's been hoping to see. His heart leaps to his throat before Changkyun can tell himself to get his shit together.

“Looking for our fearless leader again.” Seungyoon signals to a bartender for another shot. The crowd is growing and congregating around Hani’s DJ booth. Changkyun winces when he registers the slight annoyance in Seungyoon’s tone. 

“I'm not--what are you.” Changkyun sighs. “He's hard to miss.”

Seungyoon snorts and downs his shot. “Hard to miss. Right.”

He moves away from Changkyun. Throws an unamused glare over his shoulder and then disappears into the crowd of fans. Changkyun muffles his groan in his hands and decides it’s about time he joined Hani in her booth. The crowd seems to like it when he shows up and leads them in a terrible dance party. Besides, from up there he can see everything, even if maybe he shouldn’t.

From up here, Changkyun can finally figure out where Jooheon and Jackson have disappeared to. The pair are by the bar, talking with Seungyoon and Minhyuk and very visibly inebriated. At least they can still stand. For the most part. There are a few fans in the front trying to get his attention and further back Changkyun can make out Hyunwoo’s and Hoseok’s bulky silhouettes. He almost resigns himself to not catching another glimpse of Kihyun, until he catches a flash of pink.

Kihyun lazily leans against a wall, outside of the main area. An unlit cigarette dangles from his lips and he’s clearly undressing the girl giggling in front of him. She can’t be much older than Changkyun, but the way she flips her hair is practiced. Kihyun winds an arm around her waist and brings her closer. Changkyun tells himself he doesn’t still want to be her. He definitely does not still have a schoolboy crush on Kihyun.

Kihyun guides her along the walls, careful to never be in the light for too long. When Kihyun passes near the DJ booth, he glances up. Looks Changkyun in the eye. And fucking winks.

Changkyun freezes until Hani shoves him. “Either fucking dance or get out of here,” she hisses in his ear, playing it off like they’re play fighting. Changkyun shakes his head and grabs the closest drink. Wrong idea; it tastes too strongly of tequila. He winces but finishes it anyway. Hopefully tonight is the night Changkyun and tequila finally become friends. He doubts it, can already feel his stomach churning, but he’s got a crowd to please and he’s nothing if not a crowd pleaser.

Later that night finds Changkyun stumbling through the back halls of the club, searching drunkenly for somewhere to relieve himself. He’s positive there’s a bathroom somewhere back here. There has to be. Where else are the bartenders supposed to piss?

He finds a door that looks promising. Not that he can clearly read anything. But he’s got a good feeling about this door. It feels like a trustworthy door. The kind of door that’ll lead him to a toilet and a bed. Shit, Changkyun is drunk.

The door groans open after a couple tries and dumps Changkyun into the back alley he kept trying to avoid. That door has betrayed him. But at least he can relieve himself now. He weaves towards a nice dark area and lets out all the contents of his stomach. He squats for a few moments after and seriously questions what the hell he’s doing.

“That’s fucking rank, kid.”

Changkyun blearily looks up and of fucking course it’s Kihyun. Of  _ course _ . His normally well coiffed faux hawk is mussed and his cheeks are still flushed and he looks absolutely delicious. Like the Devil sent Kihyun personally to tempt Changkyun even further from Grace. Shit, Changkyun needs to write that down. That’d be a good song. Not that like. Changkyun’s written songs about Kihyun before. That’d be weird.

“Hey, you okay? You really…” Kihyun leans down and carefully lifts Changkyun up. “Shit, kid, you really look like hell.”

“I want--” Changkyun chokes on his tongue and quickly pushes Kihyun away before vomiting some more. “Oh god. Why--fuckin’. Fuck.”

Kihyun snorts and pats himself down before producing a napkin. He shoves it into Changkyun’s hand and motions for him to clean himself up.

“You goddamn kids. Partying like you’ll never get to again.” Kihyun leans against the wall, watching Changkyun clean himself off. At least it’s dark. At least Kihyun won’t see how red Changkyun’s ears are. “Hani’s DJing all the VIP after parties on the tour. No need to go all out every time.”

“Jackson and Honey always party like this,” Changkyun manages to slur after a moment. The world spins much, much faster than it should. He reaches out, hoping to find a wall but instead his hand lands on something much softer. “Ah, fuck, sorry.”

“Hey, kid. It’s okay. Let’s get you some water and get you to bed,” Kihyun soothes. He smells like cheap perfume and cigarettes. Ah, shit, the girl. Well, she’s not here and Kihyun’s walking Changkyun home so who’s the real winner here? The girl. Definitely the girl.

“Don’ like that,” Changkyun mutters. Kihyun’s half-dragging, half-carrying Changkyun. He grunts as way of response to Changkyun. “Don’ like when you call me ‘kid.’”

“You  _ are _ a kid, kid.” There’s a touch of amusement to Kihyun’s voice. He hikes Changkyun’s limp arm higher around his shoulders. “Jesus, you’re fuckin’ heavy. What are they feeding you.”

“‘M 24. I’m not a  _ kid _ . I’m--Waitwaitwait--” Changkyun pushes away from Kihyun and stumbles to a bush. He throws up again and groans. Through the ringing in his ears he can hear Kihyun sigh. 

“You were saying,  _ kid _ ?” Kihyun helps him back up and gets him to start walking again. Changkyun wishes he was more sober. This is the most time he’s spent alone with Kihyun and he honestly has so many questions. But instead he’s just throwing up every few feet. And he’s just. So drunk. 

They make it back to the hotel with minimal issue. Kihyun gets Changkyun into Tiger Moth’s shared room and tosses him onto the bed. Changkyun blearily watches Kihyun fill up a glass of water and bring over a wastebin. Changkyun notices how Kihyun’s nose wrinkles when he trips over someone’s underwear and tries to force down the butterflies in his stomach. He’s not sure he can handle throwing up again.

“Why d’ya hate me?” Ah fuck, that wasn’t a thing Changkyun wanted to say. “Shit, no, fuck. Ah I’m so drunk, I’m sorry.”

Kihyun’s frozen, the only part of his body moving is his eyes, blinking slowly. “I don’t hate you. You’re just…”

“A kid,” Changkyun finishes for him. Kihyun shakes his head and puts the glass of water next to Changkyun’s bed.

“You’re drunk. Go to sleep. Don’t be too hungover for the drive tomorrow.” And with that Kihyun’s gone. 

Belatedly Changkyun wonders why Kihyun didn’t just call him a cab before he passes out.

\---

Changkyun stands at the front of the stage, arms outstretched, eyes shut in bliss, listening to the fans sing the lyrics they wrote without any guidance. It’s all he’s ever imagined and it’s happening more and more at each of the stops. He hears Hani count off the next few beats before driving into the next half of the song. Changkyun’s hands find his bass’s neck and backs up to watch as Jooheon does a handstand on his synth. He grins, loving the absolute joy on the rest of the group’s faces. 

Tonight’s show is a good one. They’re all in sync, the way they are during their best jam sessions. Any exhaustion is in the back of their collective minds and all that matters is the crowd screaming for them. Jackson races across the stage to Jooheon, screaming into his mic along with Changkyun. It’s the last song in their set and they want to leave the crowd so hyped up for the Newtons. That’s what they’re good at. Getting the party started. It’s what the people want and Changkyun is more than happy to give it to them.

Changkyun feels so at peace here on stage, even if there are thousands of people screaming their names. Here, he has control over how people see him. Here, Changkyun isn’t the awkward kid in the back of class or the college dropout that his parents tried to hide until his band was too big to hide. Changkyun glances over to Jackson, who grins back at him. Only a few more bars to the end of the song. Movement off stage catches his eye. When he looks over, Kihyun is standing there, laughing and singing along. Minhyuk is there, but Changkyun barely registers him. Changkyun knows he’s beaming now, maybe even blushing so he forces himself to look back at the crowd. 

“Thank you! Y’all’ve been great! Enjoy the Newtons,” Changkyun yells into his mic once they finish. Jooheon and Jackson throw picks into the crowd and Changkyun rips off one of their setlists and throws it into the crowd. He waves as he walks off stage. 

“Good job, kiddos.” Kihyun has a fond look on his face as he surveys them, as if they were his own. His gaze lingers a little on Changkyun who tries to hide his shiver by slipping off his bass and handing it to one of the roadies. 

“I wouldn’t call Hani a kid,” Jackson pipes up, elbowing Kihyun a bit. His blonde hair sticks up in the back but is plastered to his forehead. He looks manic, which is exactly how Changkyun would describe Jackson.

“Yeah, the only one that’s a kid is Kyunnie here,” teases Jooheon. Changkyun rolls his eyes.

“Ah fuck off. Lemme enjoy the post set glow, you asshole.” Changkyun rubs a towel over himself, feeling self-conscious with all the attention on him.

Hani snorts next to him and slings her long arm around him. “Is our Changkyunnie  _ embarrassed _ about being a wee lil’  _ baby boy _ ?”

Changkyun knows he’s blushing and hopes to the universe all his blood doesn’t rush south. Fuck Hani for knowing things she shouldn’t. “At least my girlfriend isn’t the same age as the youngest member in my band.”

Hani laughs and swats at him. “What can I say? The youths love me.”

Changkyun rolls his eyes and starts to make his way to their green room. Shit, his jeans really are a little too tight now.

“Have fun jerking off in the shower!” Changkyun turns around and flips Jooheon off, but ends up blushing when he sees the smirk on Kihyun’s face. He’s clearly looking at the bulge in Changkyun’s jeans. Goddamn it. This is why Changkyun tries to not wear skinny jeans. He quickly shoves the towel in front of his groin and flips Jooheon off again.

Changkyun wants to die, so he stomps off to the green room to get cleaned up. Fuck Jooheon. Changkyun isn’t  _ that _ hard. Like. It’s barely half mast down there. It’s perfectly natural. He’s pretty sure both Jooheon and Jackson were half-hard at the end of their set too. They’re probably going to fuck or whatever those two do for fun. 

Changkyun whimpers a little to himself when he strips out of his jeans. Seungyoon’s still giving him the cold shoulder which is honestly probably for the best. Things were getting weird between the two of them anyway. But, shit, it’d be nice to have someone to fuck instead of masturbating. Whatever. He’ll just think about…moldy peaches. That should work. He  _ definitely _ won’t think about the way Kihyun looked at him when he came off stage or when he was walking away. There’s way too much confusion there. Changkyun just needs to come out of this tour with more fans and without liver damage.

He angrily scrubs himself down. They’ve been on tour for two months now and while he feels comfortable around all of the Newtons, Kihyun remained a mystery to Changkyun. Sometimes he was so distant and uninterested, Changkyun worried that he’d done something to piss off the older man. Especially when he had such an easy rapport with the rest of the group. But then nights like tonight happen and it leave Changkyun feeling like he’s in high school, writing his first song, alone with his secondhand acoustic guitar.

That first song is the one he always listens to whenever Changkyun feels like he’s losing sight of what made him convince his best friends to do this.

Changkyun rubs himself dry, pulling on his boxers and walks back into the green room. Jooheon sits on Jackson’s lap, the pair watching something on Jackson’s phone. When Jooheon sees Changkyun enter, he jumps up and falls to his knees in front of his childhood best friend.

“Dude, I’m sorry, was that too far? You looked  _ so _ pissed--”

“Honey, it’s whatever. Just. Please don’t do that in front of Kihyun again, okay?” Changkyun throws the towel into the laundry pile. His bones feel heavier than usual. Changkyun rummages around, making sure he has everything he needs in his backpack before slinging it onto his back. “I’m heading back to the room. I’m fuckin’ beat.”

Jackson nods, still engrossed in his phone. Jooheon makes a concerned noise but lets Changkyun leave. Hani must have already head to the after party venue. Changkyun shoots a text to her, but when he turns the corner he sees Hani’s familiar purple-blue hair next to Kihyun’s soft pink. Kihyun’s laughing at something Hani says. He has a hand on her forearm, the way two close friends would touch. Changkyun swallows his jealousy. Hani has a girlfriend. Hani would never do anything that would endanger that. Changkyun counts to ten. Wills his feet forward. Hopes neither of them--

“Changkyun? Where you headed this early?” Changkyun flinches and turns to Kihyun’s concerned face. God, why is he looking at him like that? This is too confusing for him. Changkyun scratches his neck.

“Uhm, I’m pretty beat. So. I’m just,” Changkyun trails off and gestures vaguely towards the exit. Hani frowns and cocks her head to the side. They’ve known each other long enough for Changkyun to know what she’s asking. He shakes his head slightly. Kihyun looks between the two of them. Changkyun can’t quite place what emotion he sees in his hero’s eyes. But then Kihyun’s shrugging.

“Whatever, enjoy the rest of your night, kid.”

Changkyun tries to tell himself that doesn’t sting.

\---


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: vaguely sexy times ahead.

“Holy  _ fuck _ , anyone tell you you’ve got the  _ best _ dick sucking lips?” Changkyun curls his fingers tighter in Seungyoon’s hair. Seungyoon makes a noise deep in his throat, making Changkyun yelp and moan. Seungyoon taps Changkyun’s thigh and he lets Seungyoon off his dick.

“I’ve heard it once or twice.” Seungyoon’s wipes those pillowy lips off with the back of his hand before moving to straddle Changkyun’s lap. A hiss escapes Changkyun when Seungyoon rolls his hips and brushes against Changkyun’s cock. Seungyoon lifts Changkyun’s chin with a finger before kissing him harshly. Changkyun whimpers and grabs Seungyoon’s ass, trying to ground himself.

“Seungyoon, did I leav--Ohfuck, oh shit! Sorry!” Hyunwoo scurries back out of the room and Changkyun groans. 

“Jesus, Hyunwoo,” Seungyoon sighs and looks at Changkyun. “You still wanna fuck or?”

Changkyun looks up at Seungyoon. His hair sticks up from where Changkyun was grabbing it and his lips shine red with spit and precum. His dick betrays him. Changkyun needs to get fucked. And Seungyoon is here and easy and willing.

“Fuck it, yeah. I’m tired of my fingers.” 

Seungyoon snorts before flipping Changkyun onto his belly and tossing the lube and condom onto the mattress. “Have you prepped recently?”

“Uhm,” Changkyun hums. He had. That morning in the tour bus bathroom. “Yeah. Pretty recent.”

“Cool,” Seungyoon says as he slips a finger into Changkyun’s ass. Changkyun yelps a little at the cold, but otherwise it’s an easy slide. He can hear Seungyoon snort when he meets little resistance when he inserts another finger. Changkyun’s face burns, hoping Seungyoon doesn’t ask for details. For once the shithead says nothing, instead focusing on pumping in and out. It takes three of Seungyoon’s fingers for Changkyun to begin to feel a stretch. Normally Changkyun would be annoyed at how slow Seungyoon’s taking it, but tonight it’s nice. It’s nice that they’re both letting their exhaustion dictate the pace rather than their need.

Seungyoon helps Changkyun get cleaned up after, quieter than usual. Changkyun isn’t entirely sure if he should try to get Seungyoon to talk. He doesn’t, instead getting dressed as quickly as he can. He checks his phone out of habit; Hani posted to the band’s Instagram and their notifications are blowing up. He taps open the app and scrolls through the comments before he realizes he hasn’t even looked at the picture.

When Changkyun finally scrolls all the way back up to the top, the picture makes his gut clench. It’s a selfie of Hani and Kihyun in the DJ booth, her arm slung around his shoulders. He’s bent over her set up, smirking up at the camera. Hani looks ethereal like she always does. Changkyun hates how jealous he feels. He knows logically there’s no reason to be jealous, but the fact that Hani’s been able to establish a friendship with Kihyun eats Changkyun.

“Still pining over your childhood hero?” Seungyoon sits next to him on the bed. He rubs a towel through his hair. Changkyun absently notices his roots are showing more than Changkyun realized before.

“I'm…not pining over Kihyun.” Changkyun doesn't believe himself and he can tell Seungyoon isn't buying it either. “God I'm pathetic, aren't I?”

Seungyoon snorted and leaned on Changkyun’s shoulder. Changkyun automatically wraps an arm around him, rubbing comfortingly up and down his bare arm. “It's kinda sad if not understandable. We all have crushes we can't shake.”

“Yeah? Then who's yours?”

“My straight best friend like a fucking teen movie cliché.” Seungyoon grins bitterly at Changkyun. “It's fine. We've talked about it, and I've dated since then.”

“But,” Changkyun prompts. Seungyoon sighs before moving out of Changkyun’s grip and ruffles his hair.

“But I know I'd do anything for him, more than what a best friend should do.” Seungyoon stretches his arms above his head and lets out a groan that's more befitting of an old man than a 27 year old. “I don't see why you don't just get to know Kihyun better.”

Changkyun lets out a laugh, surprising himself. “Uh, yeah, no thanks. I'm pretty sure he hates me.”

“He doesn't hate you, bro. It was his idea to get Tiger Moth for this tour.” Seungyoon moves to sit against the headboard. Changkyun watches as he pops open his laptop and waits for it to boot up. It occurs to him then this is the most him and Seungyoon have talked while sober. And then his brain processes what Seungyoon just said.

“Wait, what?” Changkyun knows his mouth is hanging open. Seungyoon snorts as he types what must be his password. “I thought it was just because we're both on the same label? Or like, whatever.”

“Nah, dude. Kihyun’s followed you guys for a while,” Seungyoon calmly says. As if this isn't completely breaking Changkyun’s brain. “When he found out y’all were getting signed to the same label, I swear he pissed himself he was so excited.”

“That….that can't be true.”

Seungyoon snorts. “Believe what you want, Changkyun. But like. Maybe give yourself some credit.”

Changkyun watches Seungyoon continue to type on his laptop. When he doesn't move, Seungyoon pointedly looks at him. 

“Now please leave. Unless you're down for another round.” Seungyoon raises an eyebrow and Changkyun considers for a moment. Seungyoon grins when Changkyun reaches for him. 

\---

Changkyun paces back and forth in the hotel. Jooheon watches his best friend with concern.

“Why does he hang out with Hani so much?” Changkyun finally stops and addresses Jooheon. “Like, Hani is cool and stuff but like. Why not the rest of us?”

“Maybe because they're only like five years apart instead of seven or eight?” Jooheon fiddles with his sleeves, clearly nervous. Changkyun’s jaw clenches. 

“But Minhyuk and Hyunwoo hang out with us! Hyunwoo is even older than Kihyun,” Changkyun definitely does not whine. But he can't help it anymore. He's jealous. He's so so so jealous of Hani who gets to text Kihyun and who gets to hang out with him one on one. Who goes out to smoke and comes back stoned and a little too dopey for her to just to be feeling the weed.

Changkyun is just so jealous.

He's tried to ignore it. But it's been almost a month of this and Changkyun knows Hani is starting to notice. He snapped at her earlier because of a small mistake during soundcheck. Jackson and Jooheon had been oddly quiet during the altercation. Neither of them were very good with tension.

Changkyun wants to be friends with Kihyun. He wants Kihyun to see Changkyun as an equal, but Changkyun can't even bring himself to hold a full conversation with Kihyun. He knows it’s stupid to expect them to be friends, but Changkyun hoped that by now some sort of progress would have been made. It just feels like Kihyun is intentionally keeping Changkyun at arm’s length.

Changkyun flops face-first into the mattress next to Jooheon. He feels Jooheon awkwardly pat him on the back. He knows he’s acting like a child, but right now he doesn’t care. “Why can’t I just talk to him?”

Jooheon sighs from next to him before he lies down next to his childhood best friend. “Because you’ve been in love with Yoo Kihyun since you were, like, 10. And now that you’re on a level playing field you have no idea what to do.”

Changkyun rolls onto his back and snuggles closer to Jooheon. “He’s both everything I imagined and an even bigger asshole,” Changkyun finally mutters.

Jooheon laughs and runs his fingers through Changkyun’s hair. He lets his nails gently scratch at his scalp, calming Changkyun down. They lie there in silence for a while before Jooheon asks, “Do you really think something’s going on between him and Hani?”

“I dunno, Honey. Like, on the one hand, Hani is the gayest of all the gays so I find it hard to believe she’d even  _ consider _ a man, but…”

“But maybe they’re working on something?” Jooheon pulls Changkyun closer. It’s nice. It feels like being in high school and avoiding homework, talking about their dreams. It feels familiar in a way Changkyun didn’t realize he needed. “Are you really that worried, Kyunnie?”

“Ugh, I don’t know.” Changkyun props his head up and looks at Jooheon. “Like, I know part of me is just being irrational, but I’m just. I’m so on edge and I have no idea.”

“Bro, it’s been like ages since you’ve smoked, I bet that’s it.” Jooheon sits up and rummages through his bag. “I can ask Jackson to pick up more than we were planning if you want.”

“I dunno,” Changkyun begins. But Jooheon is already texting Jackson, if the little  _ swoosh _ from his phone is any indication.

“Seriously, Kyunnie. Just, just hang out with me and Jackie like old times.” Jooheon tosses his phone onto his pile of clothes and sits on top of Changkyun. “Just weed. No coke, no shrooms. Deal?”

Changkyun wheezes a little, but seriously thinks about it. Before, whenever they were stressed, Jackson would pick up stash from their local dispensary, Jooheon would buy whatever the cheapest beer was and Changkyun would load up a Ghibli film. Maybe that’s what Changkyun needs tonight. Maybe he just needs to go back to when Tiger Moth was just a dream and not an overwhelming question mark of a reality.

“ _ Just _ weed.”

“Scouts honor, Kyunnie.” Jooheon sticks out his pinkie. Changkyun snorts.

“You were never a Boy Scout.”

“Only when Jackson wants me to be.” Jooheon gives Changkyun a sleazy smile before he gets a face full of Changkyun’s palm.

“Gross, dude. I did not need to know that.” Changkyun pushes his best friend off of him and then checks the time. Hani’s set should be starting in an hour or so. “Fuck it. Deal. Let’s gets stoned and cry about our lives like old times.”

“That’s the spirit!” Jooheon claps him on his back before scrambling to find his phone again. “We’re just gunna smoke here, right? Or did we want to try and catch Hani’s set?”

“Does it make me a terrible friend and bandmate if I say fuck going to Hani’s thing?” Changkyun worries at his bottom lip as he watches Jooheon move around the room. Jooheon laughs and throws a towel at Changkyun.

“Dude, we have like four more months on this tour. If she’s mad we missed one night to have a bro night, she ain’t the Hani we know anymore.” He returns to Changkyun’s side with a bunch of old pill bottles. Now that they are closer Changkyun can easily make out the strong smell. Jooheon grins. “If she wants us there, she’d tell us beforehand. Plus, I’ve got some White Widow with your name on it, Kyunnie.”

Jooheon hands one to Changkyun and he’s already so ready for this. Jackson barges with crappy pizza in a little while later while Jooheon and Changkyun argue over what movie to watch. Jackson adds commentary here and there while he rolls a few joints. 

“Why don’t we just watch  _ The Catman Returns _ ? We all love that one and it won’t scare Jooheon,” Jackson suggests after Jooheon vehemently rejects the idea of watching  _ Princess Mononoke  _ or  _ Spirited Away _ for the fifth time in so many minutes. Changkyun groans.

“Neither of those movies are even remotely scary and yet--”

“Noh Face is  _ scary _ , Kyunnie! Especially when we’ve been smoking.” Jooheon pouts at Changkyun who just pokes his lip. He should not be so good at being adorable at 26. Though that’s probably why Jooheon’s so good at it. All those years of practice.

“Alright, fine. But only if we can watch  _ Pom Poko _ again soon.” Changkyun and Jooheon shake hands just as Jackson yells that he’s done rolling. They head into the bathroom and throw one of the used towels back onto the floor. Changkyun turns the shower on hot and Jackson crouches down and stuffs the towel into the crack under the door.

“Hani’ll be so pissed if the room smells like weed again,” Changkyun mutters, mostly to himself. He takes the small joint Jackson hands to him.

“Meh, it’s not like we haven’t done this before.” Jackson puffs on his joint, lazy smile already on his face. Changkyun wonders if maybe he’d been smoking before he came back to the room. Probably. It’s the only way to get Jackson to calm down. Or stand still for more than a minute at a time. Jooheon giggles and hops onto the counter next to his boyfriend. Changkyun perches on the toilet and tries to ignore how this bathroom was not designed for three fully grown men to be in all at once.

The steam mixes in with the swirling smoke and Changkyun can feel his head get cloudy along with it. He’s hyperaware of the blood flowing through his veins and he loves it. He loves watching the smoke curl up and out his nostrils, loves letting the smoke pool in his lungs. He watches as Jooheon and Jackson shotgun the smoke. He’s pretty sure if he doesn’t remind them that he’s there they’ll end up making out. Wait, nope. Too late. It isn’t the first time they’ve made out in front of Changkyun before, but it’s been a while. They usually retreat to darker, secluded spaces when they want to be alone these days. But Changkyun finds himself enjoying the show, not feeling uncomfortable in the way he should.

“Shit, why are you two so good together?” Changkyun puffs out a large cloud of smoke. Jooheon breaks apart from Jackson and falls into a giggling fit. Jackson pulls the puddle that is Jooheon into his side and grins into his boyfriend’s hair.

“You jealous? You know you’re always welcome in our bed.” Jackson’s got that dumbass, shiteating grin Changkyun knows so well. His stomach clenches at the invitation. It’s been a while. It used to be the three of them, before Jooheon stopped using weed as an excuse to kiss Jackson like he wanted to. Used to be Changkyun pulling Jooheon in for a kiss and then Jackson kissing Changkyun and then they’d lose track of who was touching who.

Maybe indulging in some old bad habits wouldn’t be such a bad idea.

“Yeah? Even with being  _ exclusive _ ?” Changkyun grins a little too wide. It feels like his cheeks are going to pop off and fly away. Jooheon giggles again until Jackson starts sucking on his neck. He wiggles out of Jackson’s grip only to stumble into Changkyun’s arms. Jooheon presses a brief kiss on Changkyun’s lips.

“There’s always room for my Kyunnie,” he purrs. Jooheon runs his hands under Changkyun’s shirt, letting his fingers trail along the bumps of Changkyun’s spine. Changkyun doesn’t fight the shiver that accompanies it. Jackson comes over and gently kisses Changkyun too. Changkyun melts into their arms, happy and content to be with his friends. They take turns kissing each other, letting the steam help clear more of the smoke. Changkyun is the first to break away. He grabs their hands and kicks the towel out of their way before leading them to bed.

Changkyun isn’t exactly sure how he ends up on his back, Jooheon between his legs, taking his cock as far into his throat as he can, but he isn’t complaining. It feels so intense, being stoned and watching Jackson take Jooheon apart. Every thrust into Jooheon causing vibrations to engulf Changkyun’s cock as Jooheon moans. Jackson grunts and whines, bent over Jooheon’s back. He watches as his boyfriend gets his face fucked by Changkyun, mouth open and eyes hungry.

The pressure is building low in Changkyun’s belly. He knows it’ll feel like it takes more to push him over the edge, but also knows how fucking fantastic he’ll feel after. Changkyun watches as Jackson reaches around and tries to jerk Jooheon off as best he can. Jooheon groans around Changkyun’s dick and it’s almost too much for Changkyun to handle. Changkyun tugs on Jooheon’s hair, trying to let him know how close he is. His tongue is too heavy to form any real words. 

After Changkyun’s initial spurt of cum surprises Jooheon, his best friend angles his dick to his face, letting the rest drip off his cheeks and lips. Jackson whines high in his throat before he’s emptying into his condom and Jooheon lets out a surprised moan when he finally finishes. Changkyun catches his breath before getting up and finding the floor towel to clean all of them off. 

They settle into bed, still riding out their highs from both the weed and the orgasms. Changkyun fumbles a bit with his laptop before finding the movie and pressing play. If he’s being honest, he’s not really paying that much attention to the movie. Part of him wonders what it’d be like if he had something like what Jackson and Jooheon had. Jackson is curled into Jooheon’s side and Jooheon keeps carding his fingers through Jackson’s hair and he just. He just looks so calm. Content. Changkyun wonders if he’ll ever find something like that.

He’s starting to doze, head nodding forwards and backwards as he tries to fight off the bone-deep exhaustion from touring and fucking. He wants to see the end of the movie, even if Changkyun’s already seen it more than a dozen times. Jackson and Jooheon are softly snoring next to him. Maybe he should just let himself sleep. Fuck knows he needs it.

The door swings open and the main light flicks on. Hani strolls in and throws her hands up when she sees the three boys.

“Seriously? I thought we were done with this, you guys.” She throws another towel at them, nose crinkling at the smell. Changkyun grins dopily at her when she stands over them from the side of the bed.

“Heya, Hani. Sorry I yelled at you earlier.” Hani snorts at Changkyun’s very obvious state of inebriation. “I’m just. High-pitched. Wait. High-peached.”

Changkyun breaks into giggles and tries to sit up properly. He still feels totally fucked out and definitely like his brain is a felted creation. He scratches at his head and looks at Hani. Only then does he notice that she hadn’t come back alone. Kihyun stands by the door, mouth hanging open and eyes slightly glazed over. Changkyun can’t quite process what the expression means. 

“Put your dick away,” she laughs. Changkyun glances down at himself and squeaks a little when he realizes that, yes, indeed, his dick is exposed. “It's not nearly as great as you think it is.”

“It's not that bad,” Changkyun hears Kihyun faintly mutter. Changkyun blushes a little and pulls the blankets over himself. He watches as Hani gives Kihyun a look, one that Changkyun knows he’s been on the receiving end of before. He can't quite make out what it might mean though. Whatever. Kihyun saw his dick and didn't seem repulsed. Small victories.

“Kihyun here was going to talk to us about a potential collaboration, but considering how fucking stoned you idiots are,” Hani sighs. She sits on her bed and shakes her head. “It'll have to wait.”

Changkyun blinks as his brain slowly processes. “You…want to collab with us?”

Kihyun, somehow, looks embarrassed. “Uh, yeah. I mean. I think our fans would like it.”

“Whoa. Like. That'd be awesome.” Changkyun can feel himself grinning like an idiot. But Kihyun says he wants to collaborate with Tiger Moth. That would be awesome. Like an actual dream come true.

“I mean, yeah. It'd be a thing. A good, uh, thing, I guess.” Kihyun scratches the nape of his neck. Changkyun feels like he's staring. He's probably staring. Has he blinked yet? “But. Ah, we can talk about it? Another time?”

Kihyun blushes and averts his gaze from Changkyun. “When you're less--”

“Naked?” Hani grins. Kinda like a wolf, maybe.

“I was going to say stoned, but naked works too.” Kihyun’s still blushing and still not looking at Changkyun. Changkyun has to double check and make sure all his bits are covered. They are. “I'll uhm. I'll see you guys tomorrow morning.”

Kihyun waves awkwardly and quickly shuffles out the room. Hani breaks into hysterical laughter as soon as the door clicks shut.

“Oh my fucking god the two of you are fucking HOPELESS,” she cackles. Hani starts to shuck off her clothes and wraps herself in a towel. “Don't fuck this up, Kyunnie.”

“Me? Why would I--oh wait, I see your point there.” Changkyun stretches up, loving the way it feels. The high is finally wearing off and exhaustion is settling into his bones.

“I'm gunna take a shower,” declares Hani. “If I come out and you're in the bed, I'm kicking you out of this room.”

“What? Kick all this outta your bed?” Changkyun throws the sheets off of him, letting all of him lay bare. Hani shrieks and throws a pillow at him as he laughs. She runs into the bathroom and slams the door, leaving Changkyun to his cackling. “YOU WISH YOU COULD BE SO LUCKY!”

Jooheon groans from next to him and Jackson lets out a little whine. Somehow the pair had slept through everything.

\---


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lotta drugs and alcohol in this one kiddos.

“God, it feels so good to be back in California,” Kihyun growls into the mic. Changkyun tries to suppress a shudder, but fails. He can hear Hyungwon snorting from next to him. “How’re all of you tonight, Oakland?”

The crowd erupts into screams that only a hometown crowd could make. Changkyun can feel himself smiling. Oakland isn’t Tiger Moth’s hometown, but it’s pretty close. They were loud for them, but not the way they’re being for the Newtons. 

Changkyun’s more excited than he has been in a while. Irene met up with them earlier in the day and Changkyun knows his friends are in the crowd. When he checked his phone after their set it was full of embarrassing pictures of Tiger Moth. Changkyun can’t wait for the after party for them all to get together like old times.

He lets himself fully immerse himself in the Newtons’ set, loving how they’re at the top of their game tonight. Minhyuk bounces around the stage, absolutely wild. He somehow still manages to hit all those notes and flirt with his bandmates. At one point he produces glitter from his pockets and showers the crowd with it. Kihyun brings out a Pride flag much to the fans’ delight. Changkyun thinks this is their best show yet on the tour.

When they come off stage for their encore, Minhyuk immediately latches onto Changkyun. “You’re coming on stage for our encore.”

“I’m--what?” Minhyuk grins about an inch away from Changkyun’s face. Minhyuk squishes Changkyun’s confused face and cackles.

“You heard me!” Minhyuk drags him over to the rest of the band is huddled with Hyungwon and Hoseok. “Change of plan! Kyunnie is joining us for our first song.”

Changkyun opens his mouth to dispute this but then Kihyun says, “Cool. You know ‘Oi’, kid?”

“Do I--What? I cannot believe--Of fucking  _ course _ I know ‘Oi’ who do you think I am?” Changkyun sputters, insulted Kihyun even asked. “I’ve only watched the past 15 out of 18 shows we’ve played. If I didn’t know it before, I fuckin’ know it  _ now _ . Do I know ‘Oi,’ my ass.”

Everyone, save Kihyun, looks absolutely amused by Changkyun’s outburst. Kihyun looks bemused and yet completely neutral. He smirks a little, then says, “Cool. Good to know.”

Changkyun tries to fight the blush threatening to overtake him and instead focuses on Hoseok explaining the absolute latest they can continue playing before the venue will pull the plug on them. Hyunwoo says something about fans rioting and Minhyuk’s cackling like the terrifying villain he is when he’s on stage.

And then Hyungwon is shoving a wireless mic into Changkyun’s hand before patting his ass. “Don’t fuck up, kid,” is all Hyungwon says before Minhyuk’s whisking him onto the dark stage. Changkyun crouches behind an amp, waiting for Seungyoon to signal him on. Somehow this is more nerve wracking than their first show with the Newtons. 

Changkyun takes a couple deep breaths in, listening, waiting. It’s almost time. He glances up to see Kihyun standing near him, hand outstretched. Changkyun stands up to a chorus of screams as he joins Kihyun in the chorus. Kihyun’s looking him in the eye the whole time and Changkyun honestly feels a bit like he’s flying. 

It feels like the first time he’s ever played in front of an audience again.

Minhyuk runs up to him, grabs the mic in one hand and shoves his bass into Changkyun’s stunned hands with the other. “Give it up for Tiger Moth’s Changkyun!”

Changkyun is going to kill Minhyuk. That’s the only option for that overgrown, overcaffeinated manchild puppy. He quickly gets the strap over his head and finds his place in the song. He knows this bassline. He knows where to slap and where to pull the string away and let it snap back into place. Changkyun played this song so many times when he was a teenager; his fingers know where they need to be even if Changkyun’s mind doesn’t.

Minhyuk’s screaming something into the mic when Changkyun looks back up. He knows he’s grinning and when he meets Kihyun’s eyes, Changkyun thinks he sees something there. But then the lights flash and it’s gone. Seungyoon bounds over to him and Minhyuk pulls them all in close under his arms. 

Minhyuk doesn’t take his bass back until he’s forced Changkyun to play two more songs and even then it’s only because Changkyun can hear Hoseok yelling over their in-ears for Minhyuk to take it back. Seungyoon drags him over to his mic stand and hands him a tambourine. Changkyun rolls his eyes but plays along. 

“Check out our new tambourine man. Do you think we should keep him?” Kihyun wipes some sweat off his brow and gives Changkyun a lopsided grin. The crowd roars briefly. “You look so cute shaking that for me, kid.”

“I’m not a fuckin’ kid,” Changkyun responds without even thinking. He’s pretty sure he just heard Seungyoon snort next to him. An arm rests heavily around his shoulders. Seungyoon leans into the mic.

“Scream as loud as you can if you think Tiger Moth should tour with us forever.” The crowd erupts into the loudest screams Changkyun’s heard yet. Seungyoon gives Changkyun a wink.

“Fuck yeah! NorCal pride!” Minhyuk’s cackling again, leaning heavily on his bass and mic stand. “Changkyun, you think Hani would let us keep you?”

“I think she’d either thank you or kill you,” Changkyun laughs, wrapping an arm around Seungyoon. Changkyun glances over at Kihyun. He looks a bit like he ate a lemon. Changkyun sticks his tongue out and that seems to break him. 

“We’ll let Changkyun go now. I’m sure he’s got things to do,” Kihyun says. Changkyun knows a ‘get the fuck off my stage’ when he hears one so he hands the tambourine back to Minhyuk and waves before walking off stage. 

The main after party is packed. When Changkyun tries to go to the drinks stand to get another drink, the crowd presses into him to the point that moving can only be achieved by allowing himself to move with the current. He knows his friends are on chairs and the sofa on stage behind Hani and if he really wanted he could just get more soda from there. But Changkyun wants to be in the crowd tonight. He wants to let himself enjoy this and pretend maybe Tiger Moth’s popularity is starting to surpass their grip.

“Holy shit,” Changkyun grunts once he gets to the makeshift bar. The volunteer in front of him snorts before handing the patron next to him a soda. Changkyun breathes in deep through his nose, letting nostalgia wave over him. He doesn’t know how they managed it, but the tour promoters managed to book the Gilman. They  _ have _ to be breaking at least three or four fire safety laws with this many people. Changkyun thinks he can see a few people peeking out from what he’s pretty sure is the staff only balcony. 

None of the Newtons are in attendance tonight, opting to spend the evening with their friends in a more lowkey setting. Changkyun can’t say he blames them; everything is loud and claustrophobic here. He knows that under the balcony is a couch, but through the bodies it’s impossible to make out exactly where. Somehow the ceilings are covered in graffiti. The only place without spray paint covering the surface is the table they set up for Hani on the stage. 

Changkyun remembers the first time he ever set foot in this place. He was maybe 10 or 11 and his older cousin had driven them an hour in traffic to find a good parking spot. They weren’t supposed to be there; his cousin had said something about taking Changkyun to see a movie. Changkyun remembers walking through the black door emblazoned with the rules of the venue ( _ NO RACISM NO SEXISM NO HOMOPHOBIA NO ALCOHOL NO DRUGS NO FIGHTING NO STAGEDIVING _ ) and coming face to face with punks of all kinds. 

Changmin grabbed his hand and tugged him to the front of the stage before turning to him. “You’re not going to tell Auntie or my mom about this, okay?” Changkyun nodded and then the band came on stage.

Changkyun had never been so immediately enthralled. Within a month he had bought his first guitar and within two years he started his first band with Changmin.

And now he is in that very same venue, celebrating his band’s success.

“What soda do ya want?” The volunteer leans onto the counter and gives Changkyun a bored look. Changkyun can’t help his nervous chuckle and glances up at the chalkboard over their shoulder.

“Uh, just. A. Sprite?” They raise an overly pierced eyebrow at Changkyun before snorting. They bend down and hand the Sprite to Changkyun. Changkyun mutters a thanks as he pays and turns back around. Irene stands next to a beaming Hani and the crowd loves it. Jackson and Jooheon are acting as her hypemen tonight. Changkyun can make out their friend group just behind the table on the stage and his heart feels so full of warmth. 

When he surveys the audience, he feels such a strong feeling of  _ home _ , of belonging, in a way he didn’t realize he missed. Changkyun spots a punk and a drag queen dancing together, holding each other close. The amount of young kids there surprises him, but he’s excited that he gets to help usher in a new generation.

“Oh my god, are you Changkyun? From Tiger Moth?” When Changkyun turns towards the voice, he’s greeted by a small group of what look like preteens dressed to the hilt in Hot Topic and thrift store finds. He grins awkwardly and nods. “I told you!”

The one that spoke has poorly dyed purple hair and immaculately applied eyeliner. Their eyes are sparkling as they turn back to Changkyun. “I love Tiger Moth so much. You guys are so cool. Can you sign my arm?”

“What’s it like to be on tour with the Newtons? Aren’t you, like, totally in love with Kihyun,” another of the preteens asks. Changkyun tries to not blush and hopes that if he is, no one can tell through the dim lights. Changkyun signs their arms while trying to think of a good way to deflect.

“It’s really cool. I never, uh, I never thought I’d get to do all of this.” Changkyun knows he’s smiling awkwardly. He can’t help it. He still hasn’t quite gotten used to people asking him about his previous comments about Kihyun. Why didn’t Changkyun just keep his big mouth shut when they were first starting out?

“Are you dating the new guy? I totally ship you guys.” Changkyun’s starting to feel a little overwhelmed, but doesn’t want to come off like one of those jerks. The ones that as soon as they had a little bit of money suddenly don’t want to spend any time with his fans or is rude to them.

“The…new guy? Do you mean Seungyoon?” Changkyun wishes for the first time they maybe weren’t hosting the after party at an all ages venue. He really wishes he could have a beer at this exact moment. “Seungyoon is great, yeah. All of the band is.”

Changkyun glances back to the stage and wonders if he could lose the kids without coming off like an asshole. Before he can make an excuse, someone pulls him into a giant hug. “Changkyunnie! My baby cousin doing big things!”

“Changmin,” Changkyun laughs, absolutely relieved. He turns back to the small group and scratches his neck. “Uhm, sorry folks. Family time, alright?”

The group groans but thankfully walks off. Changkyun pulls his cousin back into a hug. “I didn’t think you’d make it! Is Boa with you?”

Changmin grins and waves someone over. His wife comes into view, holding a small girl in her arms. She’s dressed in all black and her hair’s cut into a severe bob to match her mother’s asymmetrical one. She has a massive pair of headphones on, probably to protect her ears from the bass. “Boa! How’s the coolest girl I know?”

Boa giggles and reaches for Changkyun, straining in her mother’s arms. Changkyun immediately grabs her and hugs her close. “Hiya Sunny. Sorry, but I like Boa better than both of you combined.”

“She literally is us combined,” Sunny says dryly, but she’s smiling so Changkyun knows he’s not in too much trouble. “Can we find somewhere quieter? She hates those things.”

“Oh, yeah, sure!” Changkyun shifts Boa onto a hip and looks around, trying to locate any of his bandmates. They’re all still on stage, dancing and singing. “Did you drive? We could have met up tomorrow you know.”

“Nah it’s fine. Boa kept asking when she’d get to see you anyway,” Changmin says with a shrug. “Should we go back to your hotel? Your mom said it’s not far from here.”

“My  _ mom _ talked about  _ me _ ?” Changkyun isn’t sure if he should feel pleased or worried. He’s already leading them to the nearest exit. Boa is already starting to fall asleep in Changkyun’s arms. “That’s…new. She hasn’t called or texted or anything in months.”

“Yeah, well, that’s how Auntie is, isn’t?” Changmin stuffs his hands in his pockets and Changkyun catches Sunny mid-eyeroll. Changkyun chuckles; Sunny never was good at hiding how she felt about Changmin’s relatives. “Our car is over here.”

Changkyun directs them to the hotel they’re staying at before they disperse for a couple days rest with their friends and family. Boa is passed out cold in Changkyun’s arms when they make it into the lobby. Changkyun leads them to the hotel bar, figuring it’s a safer bet than possibly having Jackson and Jooheon stumbling while sucking on each other’s faces. 

Changkyun settles into one of the couches and makes sure Boa’s head rests on his shoulder. Changmin and Sunny head to the bar in hopes of any sort of beverage. Changkyun leans his head onto the plush leather of the couch, rubbing Boa’s back to help keep her asleep. It’s quiet in the bar and the contrast between the dim, grimy Gilman and this medium tier hotel bar is surprisingly vast. It’s strange that he doesn’t need to scramble to catch the last train or worrying about the drive back to the South Bay tonight. Usually a gig and a night out after means piling into Hani or Changkyun’s old car, yelling along to whatever the radio’s playing as they drive. Changkyun doesn’t know if he prefers having the hotel for the night or if he misses those late night drives.

“Changkyun?”

Changkyun blinks for a moment before he realizes that it is indeed Kihyun standing in front of him. He looks vaguely concerned, glancing between the sleeping Boa and Changkyun. Boa snuffles in her sleep a little, causing Changkyun to coo at her quietly.

“Uh, hey. I thought you’d be back at your place by now,” Changkyun whispers. Kihyun cautiously sits across from him.

“Hyungwon forgot something at mine so I was just coming to drop it off.” Kihyun watches Boa with interest and some reservation. “I…I didn’t know you had a kid.”

“What?” Changkyun says that a little bit louder than he intended and Boa groans a little in his arms. Changkyun bounces his numb leg to try and help coax her back to sleep. “Oh god, no. Kids are--I mean, kids are fine. I just. This is my niece. Er, I guess second cousin is more accurate? Is that what your cousin’s kid is? I guess what I mean is she’s not mine. I guess.”

Kihyun snorts, but looks relieved. “Well that’s good to know. I would’ve felt bad thinking you hadn’t seen your daughter in months.”

“Yeah, I don’t think the baby mama would ever let me be away this long.” Boa lets out a small whine and buries her head into Changkyun’s shoulder. “Shh, baby girl. It’s okay. Mama and Papa will back soon. Keep sleeping.”

Changkyun almost misses it, and later looking back he won’t be sure he didn’t imagine it, but something like adoration passes over Kihyun’s face. His eyes soften just for a moment and his mouth turns up into an almost imperceptible smile. 

But it’s gone as soon as Changkyun notices.

“Oh! A visitor?” Sunny comes up with two steaming mugs and puts one down in front of Changkyun who grins at her. She settles into the couch next to Changkyun and gently, expertly extracts her daughter from her uncle and moves Boa into her lap. Kihyun smiles awkwardly at her and reaches out to shake her hand. 

“Uh, yeah. I’m Kihyun--”

“ _ Yoo _ Kihyun? From the Newtons?” Changmin grins as he sits down on the other side of Sunny. Changkyun shoots him a look, one he hopes his cousin will understand as ‘shut the fuck up if you want to live.’ “I bet Changkyun still has your posters up in his room.”

“Ohhh, my god Changmin,” Changkyun groans. “Please excuse them. This is my cousin Changmin and his wife, Sunny. Boa is their little girl and she’s better than both of them and she’s barely three.”

Kihyun gives them a polite smile and nods in acknowledgement. He’s fiddling with something in his hands that Changkyun can’t quite make out.

“Has Changkyun totally driven you crazy yet? Has he told you abo--”

“OKAY, thanks, Changmin. No need to badger Kihyun. I’m sure he’s got places to go.”

Kihyun’s smirking a little, whatever was in his hands now out of sight. “No, no. Please, go on. I’ve heard bits and pieces about the kid’s embarrassing past. I’d  _ love _ to know more.”

Sunny snickers, patting Boa on the back. Changkyun not for the first time wants to be swallowed whole by the ground beneath him. Changmin mercifully just laughs and waves the request off. “Maybe at the barbeque. We’re gonna need some alcohol to tell these stories right. Aren’t we, Changkyun?”

“You’re honestly the worst and are my least favorite cousin.”

“I’m your only cousin, kiddo.”

“ _ Stop _ calling me that,” whines Changkyun. He covers his face to prevent Kihyun from seeing him blush. “I regret asking you to host the barbeque now. You’re a traitor.”

“I dunno,  _ kid _ , I’m pretty interested in seeing what kind of stories come up tomorrow night.” Kihyun stands up, smirk on his face again. “It was lovely meeting you. I’m looking forward to any and all blackmail material you can provide me with, Changmin.”

As he shakes Kihyun’s hand, Changmin responds, “Anything for the famous Yoo Kihyun. Anything at all.”

Changkyun has a very distinct feeling tomorrow will not go the way he planned.

No one comes back to the hotel that night and Changkyun feels oddly lonely without the sounds of his bandmates surrounding him. Sleep comes quickly but it’s fitful, filled with dreams that Changkyun can’t quite remember when he wakes up the next morning.

Jooheon bursts into the room just as Changkyun finishes pulling his socks on. “Bro! Are you ready for the reunion of the year?”

“But Prince and Bowie are dead.” When Changkyun looks back at Jooheon, his best friend has the most wounded look on his face.

“Bro.”

“Too soon?”

“It will  _ always _ be too soon, Kyunnie.” Jooheon starts to rummage through the bags, throwing some leftover items into his duffle. “I’m talking about Yoongi and Kihyun, dude.  _ And _ Kookie is going to be there.”

“Oh.” Changkyun freezes for a moment, pants halfway up his thighs. “ _ Oh _ .”

Jooheon snorts, “Yeah,  _ oh _ . It’ll be fine. Hilarious, but fine.”

Changkyun nods stiffly and finishes getting dressed. He’d forgotten about Yoongi and Kihyun’s past. It would be fine. The worst that would happen is some awkward greetings and Jungkook needs a few minutes to adjust. Or maybe it won’t be awkward at all.

“Jackie’s going to film it,” Jooheon says when Changkyun doesn’t respond immediately. “It’ll be fine. That was like, at least five years ago.”

Changkyun lets out a groan and sits back onto the messy bed. “Why is our music scene so fucking incestuous.”

“Hani did say we should’ve moved to Seattle.” Jooheon’s tone is light. He squeezes Changkyun’s shoulder, trying to be comforting. “Besides, I’m sure whatever drama they had, it won’t affect how Kihyun sees you. It’s not like you’ve fucked both of them. Well, not  _ yet _ anyway.”

“Oh my god, that was ONE TIME,” Changkyun yells shoving Jooheon away, but he’s smiling when he does it. Jooheon stumbles backward and feigns being wounded. 

“Et tu, Changkyun? I always knew this day would come. Your slutty ways have caught up to you this day, Changkyun Lim!” Jooheon rushes forward and pins Changkyun under him, tickling him as Changkyun screams for mercy. “You must be punished for your sins! Repent! Call me Daddy!”

“Gross! No way, if anyone is Daddy, it’s Jackson,” Changkyun wheezes out. Jooheon gasps, as if Changkyun had just insulted his family name. Which, in Jooheon’s eyes, he probably has. Changkyun finally forces Jooheon off him. “Come on, we gotta check out and drive to Changmin’s. Where the fuck is Hani and Jackson?”

“Hani went home with Irene, obviously. And, uh, Jackson is downstairs? He’s with the van.” Jooheon pauses here, refusing to make eye contact with Changkyun.

“You guys fucked in the van again, didn’t you? Is that where you guys slept too?”

“Look, we were too stoned after to drive and then we passed out and--”

“Honey. I don’t need a play-by-play. I’ve been in too many threesomes with you two to not know how it goes.” Changkyun throws a bag over his shoulder before grabbing two of the luggages. “Tell me you at least cleaned up. I really don’t want spunk all over the back of the van again.”

“Uhm…”

“Honey. If you say no, I  _ will _ tell Hani.” Changkyun glares at Jooheon, who flaps his hands in front of himself in an oddly defensive and adorable movement.

“He’s cleaning it right now! I promise, it’ll be clean by the time we get down there,” Jooheon emphatically says. It all clicks in Changkyun’s mind now. The little shit came up here to stall Changkyun, knowing that he would tell Hani immediately.

“What did I do in my past life to deserve this,” Changkyun whines. He stomps out of the room, Jooheon sheepishly following behind.

The drive to Changmin’s takes longer than Changkyun hoped. It’d been so long since he’d driven there that he forgot how bad the traffic gets, no matter that it’s a Saturday.

“Why didn’t you just take 880 to Dumbarton?” Jackson leans forward, into Changkyun’s space. They are, predictably, sitting in the middle of the bridge over the Bay. Jooheon whimpers from next to Changkyun. 

“I am not a smart man,” is the only response Changkyun has. He sighs and glances at his phone. They still had a couple hours before they needed to be at Changmin’s, but Changkyun had been hoping he could get some catch-up time with his niece before people showed up. “Joohoney, you doin’ okay?”

“I hate bridges, Kyunnie.  _ Hate _ them. And yet here we are! On a bridge! Over the goddamn Bay!”

“Yeah, well. I’ll do my best to get us off of here as soon as possible. Consider it punishment for fucking in the van.” Changkyun sighs. It’s a nice view at least. He wonders if Kihyun likes driving over this bridge or not. He probably wasn’t a moron who didn’t check the traffic first. “Oh thank fuck. It’s cleared up.”

Jooheon lets out a pitiful shout of joy as Changkyun presses hard on the gas. He pushes any worries about what the night might bring away, letting himself get excited to actually spend time with his friends and family.

Boa rushes out of the house to greet Changkyun, yelling and holding a small, sticker covered ukulele. Changkyun crouches down and scoops her up into his arms laughing as she yells into his ear. “How’s my future rockstar, huh? I like the new hair, Boa. Did you choose it or did your mama?”

“Wanna look like my mama!” She points to Sunny who leans against the doorframe. Hani pokes her head from around Sunny’s shoulder and snorts.

“Took you guys long enough. Did you take San Mateo instead of Dumbarton?” Hani steps around Sunny to help unload their bags.

“I AM NOT A SMART MAN,” Changkyun snaps. Boa gives him a look. “Ohh, you’re getting good at those, baby girl. Who’s teaching you this?”

“Auntie Hani and Auntie Irene,” Boa declares proudly. She loops her hands around Changkyun’s neck, hitting him with her ukulele. Changkyun pretends to almost drop her, eliciting an excited squeal from the little girl. 

“Is that so? Have you been practicing your ukulele?” Changkyun walks into the familiar house still holding Boa. Boa grins and nods. “Will you play me a song?”

Boa grins and hops out of Changkyun’s arms and takes her place in front of the converted fireplace. Changkyun follows and sits on the floor in front of her. He hears the rest of the group enter the house. Irene comes into the living room, holding a bunch of snacks. When she sees Changkyun, she grins and sits down next to him.

“You know, I think Boa is going to surpass you soon.” Irene rips open some shrimp chips. Her long burgundy hair falls in front of her face as she leans forward.

“I wanna play my song,” Boa pouts. She holds the ukulele nervously.

“I’m sorry, sweetie. I’ll pay attention now. Do you want to wait for everyone or do you want to play for just us,” Changkyun soothes. Boa is too cute and he knows she knows it. He can’t wait to see her grow up. 

Boa thinks for a moment before responding, “Just you. For now.”

“Then take it away, baby girl.”

Boa launches into a simple song about her favorite things, small fingers barely able to create any semblance of a chord. Changkyun grins from ear to ear, feeling so warm and content. He wonders faintly if he’ll ever be lucky enough to have a family like Changmin someday. He knows he has time and any wishing is easily cured with a visit to Changmin’s. When Boa finishes, she bows with a flourish and demands the loudest of applause. Changkyun and Irene have no problem complying. Boa unceremoniously drops her ukulele onto the floor and launches herself back into Changkyun’s arms, giggling happily.

“You’ve gotten so good, Boa! You’ll be just as good as me before you’re even half my age,” Changkyun coos. Boa giggles again and pokes Changkyun’s dimple.

“I think she’s already better than you,” Irene teases, petting Boa’s hair. Hani comes into the room, already sipping on wine. “Baby, I’m right, right?”

“‘Course,” Hani says without missing a beat. Changkyun squawks.

“Excuse me! You don’t even know what you’re agreeing to!”

“Don’t matter, Irene is usually right. Nine times outta 10.” Hani smirks at Irene who flutters her eyelashes. Changkyun pretends to vomit while Boa falls over laughing. 

“Not in front of the child! Think of her innocence,” Changkyun gasps, covering Boa’s eyes. Boa makes a noise of protest, smacking her hands against Changkyun’s. “My poor niece, I never wanted you to witness such horrors. I couldn’t protect you!”

Changkyun lifts Boa into his arms and spins dramatically around the living room. Boa lets out sounds of absolute delight before Changkyun has to collapse onto the couch. He sits panting next to an unimpressed Hani and Irene. Eventually Boa loses interest so she moves on to both Hani and Irene. They’re more than happy to take on entertaining duty. 

Changkyun wanders into the small backyard to where Changmin and Jooheon and Jackson are enjoying the sunshine. He plops into one of the cheap chairs and grabs an iced tea from the cooler by Changmin’s feet. 

“Did Boa get bored of you already,” asks Changmin. His feet are propped up on another cooler, probably filled with more drinks for later that evening. He looks relaxed, happy.

“Yeah, apparently Hani and Irene are more interesting than her uncle.”

“Technically, you’re her cousin,” Jackson points out. Jooheon grins and shoves his boyfriend a little. “What? Isn’t that how it works?”

Changmin just laughs and takes a drink of his beer. Changkyun shakes his head and watches as Jackson whines, playing up his cuteness for Jooheon. He knows he’s not being subtle when he checks his phone for the fifth time in so many minutes.

“Anything interesting,” Changmin asks, small smile on his face. Changkyun wrinkles his nose and groans.

“Seungyoon told me he’d text when they were heading over. Like. I know it’s still a few hours until they’ll be here.” Changkyun finishes his tea and motions for Changmin to hand him another. “I guess I’m just nervous.”

“Nervous for your hero to meet your friends?” Changmin smiles softly at his younger cousin. Changkyun sighs and nods. “It’ll be fine. The worst that’ll happen is someone spilling embarrassing stories.”

“You already offered to do that,” Changkyun points out. Changmin gives him a goofy smile and raises his eyebrows. Changkyun rolls his eyes. Leave it to Changmin to act like the annoying older brother he never wanted.

“You know, when you first started playing music, I didn’t think anything would come of it,” Changmin starts to say. He’s staring beyond Changkyun, back into the house, maybe thinking of Boa’s love of music. “But you kept at it, even with Auntie and Uncle threatening to cut you off.”

Changkyun shifts uncomfortably. He doesn’t like talking about his family’s disapproval of his chosen path. Changmin puts a hand on his forearm. His eyes are soft and his smile so genuine.

“I’m really proud of you, cous’. You’ve come so far and proven so many people wrong.” Changmin looks a bit teary and Changkyun feels a lump in his throat. “Sorry, I won’t cry. I know if I start, you won’t be able to stop.”

Changkyun lets out a strangled laugh, blinking rapidly in hopes that his eyes will clear. He wants to say something, anything to tell Changmin how much he appreciates his continued support. Changmin let him live with him when he dropped out of university and his parents told him not to contact them again. Sunny got him a paid internship at a record company where he met Yoongi. Without Changmin and Sunny, Changkyun is sure Tiger Moth would’ve stayed a pipe dream, something he and his friends only talked about.

He knows Changmin knows, though. There’s two songs dedicated to him and Sunny on Tiger Moth’s first EP.

The first of their friends arrive, loud and heralded by whoops of joy. Yeri takes her place on the grass between Jackson and Jooheon, throwing popcorn up and into her mouth. Hyelim and her boyfriend, Mark, arrive next. Changkyun grins as he watches Hani hug her lifelong friend, ignoring his nerves that slowly build as time goes on. 

Jungkook and Yoongi arrive and Changkyun jumps from his chair to embrace them.

“Jesus, this is too much sincerity this early in the evening,” Yoongi grunts, but he’s smiling and returns Changkyun’s hug. Jungkook laughs quietly when Changkyun drags him into his arms.

“Just accept my love, Yoongi.” Changkyun keeps an arm looped around Jungkook’s waist. Jungkook pats his hand, smile on his face as he watches his boyfriend. Yoongi finally laughs and punches Changkyun gently on the arm.

“Only if it comes in the form of grilled meat, kid.”

“I’m a year older than your boyfriend, you grandpa,” whines Changkyun. Jungkook shrugs and wiggles his eyebrows suggestively at Yoongi.

“Yeah,  _ hyung _ . You’re a pervy old man.” Jungkook turns to Changkyun and holds him by his shoulders and shakes him dramatically. “Changkyun, help me! He tricked me, I only wanted the fame, but instead I got  _ pain _ .”

“That…that barely rhymes, hon.” Yoongi looks mildly bewildered at Jungkook’s outburst. Changkyun scratches at his nape, uncertain what to say.

“I thought you were, like, a top songwriter now, Kook. That was pretty weak.”

“It works for Taylor Swift, why can’t it work for me?” Jungkook says that so deadpan, Changkyun and Yoongi are almost convinced. “Guys. I hate Taylor Swift. Remember?”

“Tell that to your iTunes, Mr. Listened-to-’Look What You Made Me Do’-5,000 times,” Yoongi says drily. The utter look of betrayal on Jungkook’s face has Changkyun stifling a laugh. Yoongi rolls his eyes, probably used to Jungkook’s antics by now.

“Hyung, you  _ promised _ ,” Jungkook whispers.

Before Yoongi can respond, Minhyuk and Hyunwoo hesitantly enter the backyard. Once Minhyuk spots Changkyun, though, all hesitance disappears and he rushes over to hug him.

“You did so great last night! It’s all our fans are talking about. We need to get you in the studio for a collab ASAP,” he gushes, hugging Changkyun close. Changkyun can barely breathe, but he feels so happy to hear that from Minhyuk. “Where’s your lovely cousin so I can thank him properly?”

“He’s married, Hyukkie,” Hyunwoo teases as he comes up to them. He’s showing off his tattoos today. Changkyun admires the delicate black and red adorning his arms that twist up to his neck and chest. Changkyun knows that he has an impressive chest piece under his tank top. 

Minhyuk presses his lips close to Changkyun’s ear and stage whispers, “Stop checking out my husband, kid. Unless you’ll finally join us.”

Changkyun feels his cheeks heat up immediately and he claps his hands onto them. Minhyuk cackles and walks over to Changmin who mans the grill with Yoongi. Changkyun watches carefully as Minhyuk and Yoongi greet each other; Minhyuk shakes his head in disbelief before pulling Yoongi into a bear hug. A small smile spreads across Yoongi’s face and Changkyun feels himself relax.

“He’s kidding. Mostly.” Hyunwoo has a soft expression on his face as he watches Minhyuk immediately insert himself into Changmin and Yoongi’s conversation. 

“About being husbands or the sex?” Hyunwoo startles and gives Changkyun a look. “So…the sex?”

“Yes, the sex. That could be fun.” Hyunwoo looks Changkyun over and gives him a small smile. “But I think Kihyun might kill us if we did anything with his favorite kiddo.”

Hyunwoo walks away to join his husband, leaving Changkyun’s brain to try and play catch up with what the drummer just said. “What the fuck,” is all Changkyun can muster. Someone drapes themselves along his back.

“You look like someone just gave you the best blowjob of your life, but you’re conflicted about it,” comes Seungyoon’s voice.

“I feel like everyone knows something I don’t.” Changkyun shrugs Seungyoon off so he can properly look at him and almost falls on his ass. “Holy shit. You went natural.”

“Huh?” Seungyoon runs a hand through his newly black hair. “Oh. Well, it’s not  _ totally _ my natural color. It’s a blue-black. See?”

Seungyoon holds a strand up and moves it back and forth. Changkyun can kind of make out the blue, but not as much as he’s sure Seungyoon expects. “I guess?”

Seungyoon rolls his eyes and smacks Changkyun’s arm. “Why do you think everyone knows something you don’t? Not that you’re wrong. You’re pretty unobservant, Kyun.”

“Wow, thanks. Banner support that.”

“Have you been watching IT Crowd again?” Seungyoon slings an arm back around Changkyun, leading him towards the grill where most of the people have gathered.

“Listen, I will not have my excellent taste in British television be questioned by a plebeian who thinks the only good show from there is Bake-off.”

“Don’t you  _ also _ watch Bake-off?” Seungyoon smirks, pulling Changkyun a little closer.

Changkyun rolls his eyes, replying, “That’s not the point.”

“Touchy, touchy,” Seungyoon laughs as he moves away to get some food. Seungyoon snags a burger and a hot dog, stuffing his cheeks with food. “Isn’t Kihyun here already? He left before me.”

Changkyun’s throat closes up and the nerves he ignored earlier come flooding back now. “I haven’t seen him?”

“He said that he was heading here, like, 40 minutes ago. Hopefully he didn’t get lost.” Seungyoon finishes his hot dog and moves on to the burger. “Aren’t you going to eat?”

Changkyun stares at his plate, all appetite lost. He shakes his head and glances at Yoongi who stands not too far off, not really listening to whatever Minhyuk and Jungkook are talking about. Yoongi’s watching the door to the backyard, eyebrows pinched, lips in a slight pout. Changkyun sucks in a sharp breath when he follows Yoongi’s gaze. 

Crouching in the doorway is Kihyun, eye level with Boa who’s animatedly talking to him. Kihyun smiles at her, looking like he’s genuinely fascinated with whatever the young girl’s babbling about. Changkyun’s poor heart clenches as Boa grins and pulls Kihyun into a hug. A sharp elbow draws Changkyun’s attention back to his friends. Minhyuk has that knowing smirk again while Seungyoon simply shakes his head. 

“You’re the host. Go greet him,” Yoongi says from somewhere behind Changkyun. His eyes never leave Kihyun as he gulps more of his beer than strictly necessary.

“Uh, yeah. I should probably do that.” Changkyun grabs another beer and walks up to Kihyun who has Boa in his arms. Changkyun prays his hands will stop shaking once he’s standing in front of Kihyun. God, why is he such a wreck? It’s not like they haven’t literally been on tour for six months. 

“Uncle Kkukunggie!” Boa reaches out with one small hand for Changkyun when he’s close enough. He smiles shyly at her and takes her hand. Kihyun still holds her, a look of complete adoration on his face

“Hey, baby girl. Is Kihyun being nice to you?” Changkyun glances at Kihyun who's watching him through his bangs.

“Mhm,” Boa happily hums. “He's my new uncle. Uncle Kiki!” 

Changkyun giggles a little and glances at Kihyun, noticing the other man's ear are a little pink. Interesting. “Uncle Kiki, huh? That sounds good. Did he agree to this?”

“It's very hard to say no to her,” Kihyun says, face dramatically grave. Boa giggles again and pulls both Changkyun and Kihyun closer together. 

“My uncles! Will you get married?” Changkyun and Kihyun startle and make eye contact. Kihyun’s very pink now, the flush spreading prettily across his cheeks. Changkyun’s heart leaps again, realizing this is probably the closest they've ever been, only a small child separating them.

“I, uhm. Ah. I don't,” stutters Kihyun. Changkyun isn't really paying attention. His eyes can't focus on anything other than Kihyun’s lips. They look so soft and plush and Changkyun briefly wonders what they would feel like against his own lips. This is…a delicate situation to say the least.

“Boa! There you are. Your grandma and grandpa are here for you.” Sunny rushes over and swoops Boa into her arms. “Sorry. You know how kids are.”

Changkyun shakes his head before he realizes what he just did. Kihyun snorts a little. “Yeah, totally. Tooooootally know how kids are, yep.” 

Changkyun shoots some finger guns at Sunny and Boa. Boa giggles and returns the gesture while her mom stares blankly at Changkyun. Sunny narrows her eyes at Changkyun and responds with a highly skeptical, “Ooh-kay. Well, say bye-bye to Boa. She’s going to her grandparents now.”

Boa whines a little but ultimately relents and waves to Changkyun and Kihyun. The pair stand awkwardly in front of the door for a while, Kihyun watching Changkyun carefully with Changkyun feeling very much he’s under a microscope and being found insignificant.

(“How long do you think they’re going to just, stand there,” Yoongi asks Minhyuk, still sipping on his beer.

(“I give them at least 30 more seconds.” Minhyuk reaches over to Yoongi, offering him a hand to shake. Yoongi takes it and shakes.

(“You’d think by now they would have realized,” Hani groans from somewhere behind Yoongi and Minhyuk.)

“So uhhhhhh, welcome to my crib,” Changkyun starts. “Well, I mean not  _ my _ crib. It’s my cousin’s place. There’s no way I could afford this.” Changkyun chuckles nervously, “I just…sleep here. Sometimes. Most of the time. When I’m in town. Yeah.”

“Uh, it’s really nice. Really…ranch-y.” Kihyun grins, hands stuffed in his pockets. Changkyun forces himself to not look at how Kihyun’s jeans stretch tight across the front and to focus instead on Kihyun’s amused expression. Changkyun grins sheepishly before offering Kihyun a beer. “Thanks, kid.”

“No problem. Uh, everyone is by the barbeque, obviously. Are Hyungwon and Hoseok coming?”

“Nah, they have to head down to the next venue tonight to talk with the on-site engineers and shit. They said thanks for the invite, though.” Kihyun finally looks beyond Changkyun, towards the group of people sprawled about in the backyard. Changkyun nervously watches his expression, uncertain of how the older man will react when he finally spots-- “Min Yoongi?”

Kihyun immediately starts towards Yoongi who shifts a bit uncomfortably once he hears Kihyun’s voice. He pulls up short in front of Yoongi, everyone frozen, holding their breath as the two stare at each other. Finally, Kihyun smacks Yoongi gently on the arm. “Why didn’t you tell me you’d be here?”

Yoongi breaks into a gummy smile and shrugs, “Didn’t want to ruin the surprise, I guess.”

Everyone lets out a collective sigh and goes back to their respective activities. Changkyun finishes his beer before wandering over to Changmin and Sunny. As he walks over he overhears Kihyun talking with Jungkook as if they’d met before. He figures that’s possible. They all work in the same industry and when you’re group is as gay as the Newtons, that narrows the circle even more.

“You alright, Kyunnie,” Changmin asks as he hands his younger cousin a new beer. Changkyun sighs as he watches Yoongi, Kihyun, and Jungkook talk. Kihyun glances over to him and gives him a nervous smile.

“Yeah? It’s just.” Changkyun takes stock of everyone in the backyard. Jungkook, his bandmates, Hyelim and Mark, Irene, and Yeri: all of them his close and old friends sitting side by side with the Newtons. For some reason this is what is more emotional for him. “It’s weird--seeing everyone here like this. It’s nice? I guess.”

Changmin pats him on the back before handing him a plate of food. “You should eat, cuzzo. That’s your third beer with no food and I’d rather not clean up your vomit. Again.”

Changkyun crinkles his nose, but accepts the food anyway. At some point Sunny or Changmin lights the fire pit to help keep everyone warm, spreading blankets and chairs across the stone. It feels like another night when Changkyun lived with them and they had a gathering. Everyone had eaten their fill and Changkyun’s lost count of how many joints are being passed around at once.

Changkyun thinks he’s being subtle with his glances at Kihyun, trying to watch how the shadows dance across his face making the older man look even more beautiful. But then Yeri pokes him in the side and stage whispers, “Take a pic, Kyun. It’ll last you longer.”

Changkyun fights the heat spreading across his face by drinking his beer, head feeling a little like a hot air balloon fighting against its tethers. He feels eyes on him and when he looks up, he finds Kihyun observing him, slight smirk playing on his lips. Changkyun sucks on his lower lip and hopes that no one else heard Yeri’s comment. 

“I wanna play a game!” Jackson wobbles to his feet, drink and joint held high above his head. Changkyun worries for a moment that his bandmate is going to eat shit and fall face first into the stones. It wouldn’t be the first time. 

“Yeah,” shouts Minhyuk, bouncing in his seat. Hyunwoo watches with fondness on his face. “Let’s play Truth or Dare.”

“Hyukkie, we’re literally in our 30s,” Kihyun sighs, leaning lightly on Yoongi. Changkyun watches as Jungkook glances between his boyfriend and his boyfriend’s ex and Changkyun’s chest tightens. It’s been five years, but apparently old habits die hard.

“And your point?” Minhyuk gives Kihyun a pointed look, who looks mildly apologetic and creates space between him and Yoongi. “I will be on my death bed before I pass up a game of Truth or Dare,  _ Kiki _ .”

“Only adorable toddlers can call me Kiki and  _ no one else _ .” If it weren’t for the slight slurring, Kihyun’s tone would have been absolutely deadly. He glares at Minhyuk, but Changkyun can already tell that they, a group of fully grown adults, are about to play Truth or Dare. 

“Whatever. I’ll start,” declares Minhyuk. He points at Jooheon. “Jooheon! Truth or dare?”

Jooheon stares at Minhyuk like a deer in the headlights before he says, “D…are?”

Minhyuk squeals in delight. Changkyun has never heard a fully grown person so excited before. “Ohh, so bold. I respect that.” Minhyuk hums, thinking of the first dare of the night. His eyes light up as he stumbles to his feet, goes over to the now cold barbeque, and mixes up a foul looking concoction. “I dare you to drink this!”

Jooheon takes a sniff and immediately pulls a face. Everyone snickers as Jooheon whines. “Do I have to drink  _ all _ of it or can I just drink, like, half?”

“At least half,” affirms Minhyuk. Jooheon groans and starts to drink. A chorus of “Chug! Chug! Chug!” picks up, making Changkyun feel distinctly like he was at one of the frat parties Jackson and Jooheon used to drag him to. Jooheon gets to about halfway before it looks like he wants to barf.

Minhyuk claps his hands delightedly as Jooheon tries to finish, but spits out the last mouthful into the bushes.

“If that plant dies, you’re paying for it to be replaced,” Sunny remarks, nose crinkled and brows delicately furrowed. Minhyuk waves her off and hands Jooheon a glass of water. Jooheon chooses Jackson as his victim and the game goes into full swing. Changkyun loses track of exactly how long they sit there, each dare or truth getting more and more ridiculous. He doesn’t realize that no one’s called on him until it’s Minhyuk’s turn again.

“Changkyun! No one’s called on you yet,” Minhyuk sings, grin far too wide. He stalks over to Changkyun and leans over him menacingly. Changkyun chokes a little on his tongue when Minhyuk tilts his chin with a single finger. “Truth or dare, kid?”

Changkyun gulps and tries to steady his breathing with Minhyuk so close to him. He’s so pretty up close. “Uh--d-dare?”

Minhyuk lets out an even more terrifying delighted squeal. Changkyun squirms in his seat.

“Don’t be mean,” Changkyun fuzzily hears from across from him. It sounds like Kihyun. Minhyuk scoffs and pulls Changkyun up.

“I won’t hurt our precious Kyunnie,” Minhyuk coos. Minhyuk leads Changkyun over to where Hyunwoo sprawls on a wooden bench. Both men give Minhyuk a puzzled look. “I dare Kyunnie to kiss both me and Hyunwoo!”

Changkyun feels like he’s simultaneously been lit aflame and doused in ice cold water. Gasps erupt from the group. He thinks he heard a strangled protest and when he looks over to Yoongi and Kihyun, Kihyun’s glaring at Yoongi. Yoongi and Jungkook, however, watch with rapt attention.

“You…want me to k-kiss you?” Changkyun gestures to the husbands. Hyunwoo’s eyebrows look like they’re about fly off his forehead and take up residence in his hairline. “Both of you?”

“Yep,” pops Minhyuk. He slides in front of Changkyun and pulls the younger man close to him. It’s the first time Changkyun realizes that Minhyuk is actually taller than him, but he’s distracted by the gentle hands on his hips. “Is that okay?”

Changkyun nods and leans forward a little, breath ghosting over Minhyuk’s lips. When their lips meet, he hears his friends scream. Changkyun giggles into the kiss before Minhyuk gently bites on his bottom lip. He feels another pair of hands on him; when he breaks the kiss with MInhyuk, Hyunwoo is standing next to him. Changkyun feels so much smaller next to Hyunwoo and a shiver runs down his spine when Hyunwoo cups his cheek and gives him a chaste kiss.

“Oh come on, babe! Drop the gentleman act, we all know what you’re like in bed,” Minhyuk heckles from beside them. Hyunwoo laughs, pulling Changkyun closer to him.

“I don’t want to scare the poor kid.”

“I’m not a k--” Hyunwoo cuts Changkyun off with a heated kiss, running his tongue along the seam of Changkyun’s lips. Changkyun whines before he can catch himself, and he blushes when he feels Hyunwoo smile against his lips. Jackson and Jooheon wolf whistle from wherever they’re cuddling and he’s pretty sure he hears someone else cheer. Changkyun briefly hopes if anyone’s taking video they send him a copy. For science. Changkyun tries to push back, fight for some sort of semblance of control, but Hyunwoo grips him tight. He melts into Hyunwoo’s muscular arms and sort of loses track of time. 

“Holy shit,” he hears Jungkook say. Changkyun ducks his head and pats his overheated cheeks. Wow, that was great. He wants to do that again.

“If you ask nicely you might be able to,” Hyunwoo laughs and gives Changkyun a wink. Minhyuk hands Changkyun a glass of water and another kiss on the cheek. Changkyun just lets his jaw hang open.

“Oh shit. Those were supposed to be inside thoughts. Uh. Welp. Good dare, everyone.” Changkyun sits back down next to Seungyoon who is doubled over laughing. He glances over to where Kihyun is sitting. The older man looks like he had just seen war and it makes Changkyun’s gut twist. Seungyoon nudges him with a knee before taking Changkyun’s hand.

“I got all of that on video.” Even though Seungyoon gives him a salacious grin, his eyes are soft. Seungyoon leans in closer, lips grazing over Changkyun’s heated skin, “I think more than just you enjoyed that.”

When Changkyun turns to ask him what he means, Seungyoon nods towards Kihyun. He’s suspiciously pulling a blanket over himself even though the night air isn’t that cold. Yoongi and Jungkook are snickering together as Kihyun shoots them annoyed glances. Another round passes, but Yoongi keeps grinning evilly at Changkyun and Changkyun has the distinct feeling that whatever has Yoongi so happy is going to make Changkyun…not as happy.

Finally someone chooses Yoongi who proudly declares that sometimes he likes to wear maid costumes around the house. Jungkook blushes and giggles the whole time, clutching Yoongi’s thigh between both hands. 

But then Yoongi has to choose the next person.

And his gaze immediately lands on Changkyun.

“Changkyunnie,” he drawls, eyelashes fluttering. The same drawl that got Changkyun into bed four and a half years ago. There’s a challenge in Yoongi’s eyes. “Truth or dare, baby.”

Changkyun frowns. Narrows his eyes, trying to figure out what Yoongi is getting up to. But he’s drunk and before he fully processes the word, “Dare,” slips past his lips. Yoongi grins a little wider, looking like a cartoon shark.

“I was hoping you’d say that.” Yoongi leans back and takes a sip from his bottle. “I dare you to sit on Kihyun’s lap for the rest of the game.”

A low murmur spreads across the group. Someone declares “Finally,” before getting shushed. Changkyun thinks it was Hani who said that. Seungyoon laughs next to Changkyun, leaning back onto his elbows. “You don’t have to do it,” he says quietly. Changkyun gulps. He  _ wants _ to do it. Changkyun wants  _ so badly _ to sit on Kihyun’s lap. He wants to sit on Kihyun’s lap like he belongs there.

“You can say no,” Yoongi starts, still watching Changkyun. “I have another dare in mind, but I don’t think you’ll like that one nearly as much.”

“N-no. It’s fine. I’ll do it.” Changkyun finishes his drink and wobbles to his feet. Seungyoon places a bracing hand on his thigh. Changkyun takes a few steps forward. “It’s just a dare.”

He stands in front of the seated Kihyun who looks up at Changkyun with a blank expression. Changkyun scratches his neck and goes to straddle Kihyun. Some snickers erupt and Changkyun fights the blush spreading across his body. He gets mostly the way onto Kihyun’s lap before he panics. He’s  _ so _ close to Kihyun now, he can clearly make out his eyelashes and the faint lines around his mouth that otherwise could go unnoticed. 

“Uh, you know this is probably not comfortable. I’m just gunna--” Changkyun waddles backwards and unceremoniously sits with his back to Kihyun on the older man's lap. Kihyun grunts a little, but otherwise allows it. They can’t look at each other and Changkyun’s heart is racing and he feels a little bit like vomiting and then Yoongi cackles and takes his seat next to them.

“Comfortable, Kyun?” Jungkook snickers from behind Yoongi. Changkyun shoots him a glare.

“Your boyfriend is a menace,” he gripes to Yoongi.

“So’s yours,” is all he gets in response. Changkyun feels Kihyun twitch underneath him and he jumps a little.

“I don't have a boyfriend?”

“Right. Obviously,” blandly says Yoongi. There's a buzz in the back of Changkyun’s head but he can't quite figure out why.

The game continues and Changkyun does his best to stay still. It's uneventful, most of the best dares and truth questions done before. At least that's what Changkyun thinks. And then Hani asks him, “Truth or dare, Changkyun?”

“This feels like a trap,” Kihyun mutters from behind him. Changkyun has to agree. Hani has been suspiciously nice to everyone the whole game and she would never pass up an opportunity to embarrass someone.

“Uhhhhh. Truth,” he finally responds. Hani claps her hands in delight and Changkyun stomach drops to somewhere in the center of the earth.

“Is it true you masturbated to the “Hero” music video when you were 13?”

“You promised you'd never tell anyone!” Changkyun buries his hands in his palms, accidentally pressing his ass back further into Kihyun.

“So is that true?” Minhyuk’s eyes are glittering and wide, like he just opened a surprise present. Hyunwoo’s mouth is open in a little ‘o’ while Changkyun’s best friend is doubled over laughing. Even Changmin is laughing.

“God, yes. You,” Changkyun gestures at the original members of the Newtons, “You were fucking shirtless and in leather and I was very confused about my sexuality!”

“What was your favorite part,” Hyunwoo presses. Changkyun blushes from the tips of his ears to the tips of his toes. Minhyuk’s grin only grows.

“Yeah, Changkyunnie, what was the part that got you all hot and bothered?” Minhyuk’s tone drips with something dangerous, like he's going to store this information for future blackmail. Kihyun shifts underneath him and Changkyun feels something hard bump his buttcheek. Changkyun doesn't want to think about what it might be so he tells himself it's just Kihyun’s phone. 

“The…the bit where,” Changkyun covers his face and whines from his throat. “Wherekihyuntakeshisdressoff.”

Kihyun holds Changkyun by his hips, his grip tight. Changkyun’s breath hitches and he shuts his eyes as he listens to Minhyuk yell something.

“I'm sorry, could you repeat that for the class,” Hani says without any sense of shame. “Was it when Kihyun took off that latex dress?”

Changkyun glares at her, utterly betrayed. “Yes,” he grits out. “That and when him and Minhyuk made out at the end.”

Minhyuk cheers again and Hyunwoo is giggling. Hani sits back into Irene's arms, looking far too smug. Jooheon and Jackson keep making faces, pretending to jack off. 

Changkyun decides he needs new friends. He really, really does.

He doesn't even want to know what Kihyun is thinking. This must be so awkward for him, having someone admitting to jerking it when they were 13 sitting on his lap. It's horrible and Changkyun squirms a little. He hears Kihyun suck in a sharp breath and he turns, apology ready on his lips. But Kihyun’s eyes are dark when they meet Changkyun’s and his grip remains firm on Changkyun’s hips. Nervously, Changkyun licks his lips and Kihyun's eyes trail the movement.

Changkyun suddenly feels very warm.

“Get a room!” Seungyoon throws a used napkin at them and Changkyun comes back to himself. Seungyoon’s laughing, amusement apparent on his face. 

Changkyun sulks, subconsciously leaning back into Kihyun’s chest. Kihyun lets out a quiet gasp, breath ghosting over Changkyun’s neck. Changkyun bites his lips and clasps his hands in his lap in front of him. The hard thing is still poking his butt and Changkyun just. Changkyun just really needs to be alone right now.

Changmin meets his eye, eyebrows furrowed. Changkyun hopes he can see his discomfort. “Alright everyone. As much as I hate to be The Man here, you have to drive to LA tomorrow and Sunny and I are going to spend all day tomorrow cleaning. Time for bed, you crazy kids.”

“I'm pretty sure everyone in the Newtons is older than you,” Yeri points out. Sunny gives her a pointed look, but the younger girl just shrugs.

Changkyun takes that as his cue that the game is over and he can vacate Kihyun's lap. He doesn't want to, but continuing to sit there might be…..unwise at this junction. 

“Uh, sorry. That must've been awkward,” he mumbles, not even bothering to look at Kihyun. 

He hears the older man cough a little, but Kihyun doesn't move from his spot. “It's fine. Your ass is….kinda bony though.”

Changkyun scoffs and points at Kihyun, “Take that back! My ass is delightful!”

Kihyun just smirks and pats Changkyun on the ass. “Bony.”

\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the MV that the Newtons' "Hero" MV is based on is ["Warped" by the Red Hot Chili Peppers](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xmyuJZH3RAc) ✩°｡⋆⸜(ू˙꒳˙ )  
>  924 Gilman St is a real place and is where bands like Green Day, Rancid, and the Offspring made their names


	4. Chapter 4

LA is weird. Changkyun has always thought so and the fact that Yoongi and Jungkook live here part time is a tragedy. It's always hot and everyone is more obsessed with being fit than even back home. 

But their burritos almost rival the ones at Changkyun’s favorite taqueria. Almost.

He's biting into one now, sitting in one of the many taquerias in LA, next to Kihyun and across from Yoongi. The rest of the table is crowded with the rest of the band. He likes that their table is right in the back of the place; not too many people back here making it easier to talk.

“So are we doing one song or two,” Yoongi says through a mouth full of taco.

“I was thinking one for each band,” Kihyun responds, also through a mouth full of taco. Hani nods from his other side.

“Tiger Moth can record a cover of one of the Newtons’ songs and vice versa.” Hani glances at Changkyun, eyes wary.

Hani had filled the rest of the band in on hers and Kihyun's idea for a collab. Changkyun likes the prospect of taking one of the Newtons’ songs and making it their own, but he was kind of hoping for more. 

Maybe writing a new song with Kihyun. One just for them. Maybe getting closer finally and maybe…

Changkyun didn't let his hopes go soaring into the sunset. But he was hoping, expecting, more.

“We can see how well it goes,” Kihyun begins again. “If the reception is good maybe we can talk about further collaborations.”

Kihyun watches Changkyun as he says this. He gulps as he meets Kihyun’s eyes and nods. Changkyun selfishly hopes the fans love it. 

“That sounds good. Did you have a song in mind?” Changkyun carefully doesn't look at Kihyun, opting instead to watch Minhyuk, Hyunwoo, and Seungyoon.

“I wanna cover “Ready Or Not,”” Seungyoon says, spewing crumbs in his excitement.  Changkyun giggles a little and throws him a napkin. 

“Oh that could be really cool,” Hyunwoo hums, nodding like he's already imagining what that could sound like. Minhyuk’s fingers are already plucking out a new bassline on an invisible bass. Electricity shoots through Changkyun’s veins.

“If you do that, maybe we should do “Roller Coaster” or “Gravity,”” Jackson suggests. He's scribbling notes, food long forgotten. Changkyun leans back in his chair, thoughtfully chewing on his burrito. Doing a more poppy cover of those songs could be good. Maybe add more synth, more of a retro vibe even if those songs could already be considered retro now. “Roller Coaster” would work really well with Tiger Moth’s overall vibe.

“Penny for your thoughts.” Kihyun nudges him with his foot, eyes watching Changkyun nervously. Changkyun shoots him a lopsided smile.

“I bet he wants to do “Hero,”” Hani interjects before Changkyun can answer. He glares at her and tries to reach around to slap her, but she just laughs and throws a discarded pepper at him. 

“Can we drop that?”

“I'd rather a demonstration, to be totally honest,” Seungyoon responds, sleazy smile on his face.

“What makes you think that that even like--Ugh, you know what, no. I think “Roller Coaster.” That's what we'll cover.” Changkyun pushes his chair back, scraping loudly on the linoleum floor. The whole table winces. Changkyun doesn't care. He throws some cash on the table and stalks outside. 

The sun beats relentlessly down, making Changkyun squint as he pats himself down looking for his sunglasses. He curses when he realizes that he left them back in the taqueria. He decides to resign himself to blindness. At least he finds a pack of cigarettes in his back pocket. Thank fuck for Hani’s bad drunk habits.

“Hey,” calls a soft voice as Changkyun lights up. He looks over his shoulder to find Kihyun standing there, Changkyun’s sunglasses dangling from his fingers. “I'm sorry. I know that even if you and Seungyoon--” Kihyun’s face tightens, “Are whatever you are, that wasn't appropriate. I'll talk to him about it.”

Kihyun hands the sunglasses to Changkyun. Changkyun mutters a thanks. Kihyun nods, stuffs his hands into his pockets and turns to go back in.

“Kihyun, wait.” Changkyun scratches his nose, already regretting smoking the cigarette. “I'm--I'm not mad. I don't want to make you uncomfortable. I was a kid, like, I had no idea I'd ever be here and Hani keeps---”

Changkyun glares at the cement as he flicks off some ash the cigarette. “Ugh. Just--Do you wanna help me finish this cig?”

Kihyun snorts and takes the half burned thing and takes a hit. His face crinkles up when the smoke hits his throat. “God these are terrible.”

“I know, right? Drunk Hani only likes the cheapest of cigarettes.”

Kihyun continues to make a face before handing the cigarette back to Changkyun. “At least her taste in everything else is impeccable.”

Changkyun ignores the prickle of jealousy when Kihyun says that. “Uh, yeah. Totally.”

Kihyun gives him a curious look but doesn't press. “I'm gunna go get everyone. We better head to the venue.”

Changkyun nods, head hanging and feeling like he's missing something important.

\---

“Damn, Yoongi, you've done good.” Changkyun appraises the space. They have a couple weeks before the South American leg of their tour starts, so Jungkook and Yoongi offered to let everyone stay at their ranch turned recording studio/commune. The living room is covered in plush carpets and sofas, bongs and ash trays spread all over the room. There's an impressive hookah in the corner, close to the patio door. Everything is in warm, comforting colors, kind of like a desert sunset. 

Changkyun is in awe. He knew how well Yoongi and Jungkook are doing, financially, but he didn't expect it to be this good. The house is sprawling, remodeled to fit Yoongi and Jungkook’s needs. There are a bunch of guest bedrooms and instruments strewn everywhere. There are a couple soundproofed, dark rooms for recording and mixing in the main house. 

A stone’s throw from the big main house are the recording studios. There's only three, one of them dedicated purely to recording live sessions, decorated in a similar fashion as the living room. Down the hall are the other more traditional studios. 

“I have a studio boner,” Hani breathes, eyes shining and bottom lip sucked between her teeth.

“Gross. But also same.” Changkyun takes it all in, already feeling the creativity bubbling in the back of his mind. Maybe he'll get a demo recorded of that song that he's been composing in the green rooms this whole tour. 

He glances over to Seungyoon; his nose has been buried in his phone since they arrived in SoCal. Changkyun makes a note to ask him about it later, even if he knows he probably won’t get a straight answer.

The rest of the Newtons have already disappeared into their respective rooms, apparently already well acquainted with the space. Changkyun frowns a little--that must mean they've been here sometime since The Incident between Yoongi and Kihyun. Another thing for Changkyun to talk to Seungyoon about.

\---

It’s surreal. That’s the only word Changkyun can think to describe this…situation.

The desert air is dry against his skin, whipping through his hair. It’s barely chilly even though Jooheon swore they’d freeze to death without a sweater outside. Changkyun doesn’t even register if he’s cold or not; all he can focus on is the sight in front of him.

Kihyun’s sitting on one of the many beat up cars in the front yard, acoustic guitar in hand. Changkyun knows there’s a pipe somewhere, he can smell the sweet pipe tobacco and the underlying fruitiness of hash. The light of the moon and harsh yellow patio lights make Kihyun look like a painting. Or a fairy. Changkyun can’t decide. Kihyun’s far enough away from the strongest rays that Changkyun can still make out the pink of his hair and the deeper colors of his flannel shirt. Changkyun doesn’t want to make a sound in case he breaks whatever spell the night seems to be under.

But the way Kihyun looks isn’t what has Changkyun’s heart jumping into his throat. The chords and melody that Kihyun’s singing to himself are familiar to Changkyun. They’re the melody that Changkyun plays whenever things don’t make sense, to remind himself of where he’s come from. The song Tiger Moth always finishes with, no matter the concert.

Kihyun is playing the first song Changkyun ever wrote.

When Changkyun came out here, he just wanted to get some fresh air, maybe venture into one of the darker spots and stare at the stars. Maybe indulge and smoke a cigarette or have an outdoor wank. 

But this is so much better. 

Changkyun isn’t sure if he should get closer or if he should just stay where he is. It feels too intimate a moment for Changkyun to interrupt. The way Kihyun’s older voice scratches when he hits the lower notes sends shivers down Changkyun’s spine and he wishes more than anything he could bottle this moment. He’d never doubt himself again, he thinks, if he could just remember every detail of this moment.

But then the spell is broken when Changkyun’s phone chirps. Kihyun jumps a little before turning to the source of the sound. Changkyun fumbles with his phone a bit, cursing under his breath.

“How long have you been there?” Kihyun looks uncomfortable. Defensive maybe. Changkyun wishes he could blame the lighting and the shadows playing across Kihyun’s face, but he’s not sure.

“Uhm.” Changkyun isn’t sure if he should be honest. “Since the first chorus.”

Kihyun sighs and slides off the car. “Sorry that I butchered it. I know how much that song means to you.”

Kihyun is definitely so uncomfortable, so embarrassed. Changkyun has no idea what to do with himself. Kihyun doesn’t look like the Kihyun Changkyun grew up idolizing in this moment. He looks…more like a normal person. Like another musician that respects Changkyun’s work.

“Don’t be. You, uhm, you didn’t butcher it. It…it sounded really good, actually.” Changkyun hopes the yellow is washing him out enough to cover up his blush. He stares at his sand covered shoes and feels like he’s burning up. He hopes Kihyun can’t tell how he’s freaking out on the inside right now.

“Uh. Let’s just.” Kihyun slips off the hood of the car and collects a bottle of beer and pipe. “Let’s just--I dunno--”

“You really like that song,” Changkyun blurts out, voice pitching higher at the end. He winces when he realizes he just interrupted Kihyun. Kihyun lets out a soft chuckle and nods.

“Ah, yeah. Minhyuk put it on a playlist and, uhm, yeah. It’s good. It’s not your best, but--” Kihyun laughs again, refusing to meet Changkyun’s eyes. The world spins on, but Changkyun feels frozen. “It’s a really good song. Reminds me of why I love making music.”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah, Changkyun.” Kihyun gives him a small smile. “It’s really good.”

Changkyun opens his mouth, trying to think of something to say in response. He can’t. So his mouth just hangs open for a few moments before he closes his mouth and swallows. “Uh, thanks, I guess. Tha--It means a lot to hear that from you.”

Kihyun coughs and shrugs. This is awkward. Changkyun wants the attention to not be on his writing or music now. Maybe he should just go back inside to where the rest of the group is.

“What’re you doin’ out here,” Kihyun finally asks. He’s picking at his guitar strings, plucking out little high notes. If Changkyun didn’t know better he would think Kihyun’s nervous to be alone with Changkyun.

“Me? Uh, fresh air? And maybe jerk off.” Changkyun blanches when he realizes what he just said. “Oh my god. Oh shit, I’m so sorry you didn’t need--Oh god I’m just making this worse.”

Changkyun groans and sinks down. He covers his face and does his best not to cry. He hears Kihyun burst into full-bellied laughter.

“Hani’s right. You really are fuckin’ awkward.” Kihyun wipes away some tears, still stifling giggles. “I’m gunna head back in. Enjoy your nature wank.”

“I’m not! I--That’s not what I’m--”

“Sure, kid. I won’t tell anyone you’re jerking off into the night.” Kihyun grins, clearly enjoying the switch in power. He pats Changkyun on the back and disappears back into the house.

Changkyun considers following him back in. Instead he walks over to the fence and gazes up at the night sky. He replays the sound of Kihyun’s voice over and over in his head. Changkyun wonders if Kihyun’s ever realized that song is about him.

\---

“Hey, I need to ask you something.” Changkyun rolls onto his side to get a better look at Seungyoon. The older man glances up from his phone, frown on his face. “Put the phone down, Minho or whatever can wait.”

Seungyoon snorts, but obliges. “Alright. What’s Kihyun done now?”

“How did--” Changkyun laughs in disbelief. “No, right. Of course.”

“You’re really obvious,” Seungyoon says, ruffling Changkyun’s already messy hair. “Makes it easy to not get attached.”

“I’m…Well, now I have questions for  _ you _ , but uh. I guess.”

“Just ask, Kyun.”

Changkyun sighs through his nose and formulates his thoughts. “Have…Uh. Have you been here before?”

“You mean, here, at Yoongi’s ranch?” Seungyoon faces Changkyun, eyebrows raised. Changkyun nods. “Yeah, I think…two? Two times. I think the first was 3ish years ago? Both were like. Weirdly social business meetings.” Seungyoon smooths a hand over the sheets a bit. “Though I guess that’s kind of what this is too.”

“So. I guess that means, uhm. Kihyun? And Yoongi?” Changkyun jabs at the spaces between Seungyoon’s spread fingers, refusing to look up and meet Seungyoon’s eyes. He hopes that his fuck buddy understands the question he isn’t asking.

“Mmm? Are you asking about when they made up then?” Seungyoon grabs Changkyun’s finger and holds it, not letting Changkyun continue his game. Changkyun grimaces, then nods. He really needs to stop beating around the bush. “It was right before I joined. I don’t really know the whole story, but…from what Minhyuk and Hoseok told me it wasn’t exactly smooth sailing.”

Seungyoon pulls Changkyun to him so the younger man is lying half on top of him. Seungyoon trails his fingers along the tendons in Changkyun’s neck first before reaching around to his spine and running his nails down the ridges there. Changkyun shudders under the attention but focuses on Seungyoon’s thoughtful expression. 

“I guess Yoongi was the one who reached out. Kind of. Apparently he showed up at the studio when he knew Kihyun’d be alone and just sorta--” Seungyoon gestures around with his free hand. “Just made Kihyun talk to him. We run in a small crowd. It’s hard to avoid each other forever. Plus…Your first album was doing really well. There were talks about signing you to the label and bringing Yoongi on to continue working with y’all.”

Changkyun remembers that particular time of their career. They were playing monthly shows and their album was getting airplay on most of the West Coast radio stations. It was a weird time. Changkyun was living out of his trunk and Changmin’s guest bedroom while working at three part-time jobs on top of playing gigs. Jackson and Jooheon shared a room in a frat house while Hani juggled school, contract jobs, and taking care of her mom. At the places Changkyun used to go to unwind, people were starting to recognize him.

He knew Yoongi because he interned at the small local label Yoongi ran while also producing for the Newtons. Their first album only existed because Tiger Moth somehow had scrounged up enough money for an album and Changkyun somehow convinced Yoongi to be the producer. Somehow he agreed and somehow during that time Kihyun and Yoongi became…not Kihyun and Yoongi. Changkyun hadn’t seen what happened himself, but he saw the effect it had on Yoongi.

Changkyun can only imagine what it must have been like for Kihyun.

“I guess Yoongi decided they needed to work things out, at least for the sake of being professional. They yelled a lot. I think Yoongi cried,” Seungyoon wonders aloud, face a little unreadable. “I don’t really know. This is all hearsay anyway. I joined, and within the first month we have a “writing retreat” here. Yoongi wasn’t here that much--I think he was working with you guys at the time. And then the second time was right before heading into the studio for the latest album.”

“So…they made up?” Changkyun presses a gentle kiss on Seungyoon’s collarbone, enjoying the warmth he provided.

“Yep. Sort of. They never like to be in the same room together alone though. I think…I think even if Kihyun’s forgiven Yoongi, they both ruined any possibility of friendship back then.”

Changkyun snuggles into Seungyoon’s side, hoisting a leg around his narrow torso. “Thanks. For telling me. And for continuing to fuck me even though you know I’m like. Mad crushing on someone else.”

Seungyoon barks out a laugh. “You’re not “mad crushing” on Kihyun. You’re full on in love with him.”

Changkyun bites his shoulder, making Seungyoon yelp and try to push him off. He doesn’t let go, finally settling on top of Seungyoon and pinning the other man’s wrists to the bed. “Tell me about your best friend who is supposedly straight and stealing all your attention.”

Seungyoon squirms beneath him, growling, “No. I’m not telling you.”

“I’ll gag you and fuck you until you cry if you do.” Changkyun wiggles his ass on top of Seungyoon’s dick. It twitches in interest. Changkyun smirks, feeling like victory is imminent.

“No.”

“Come on! Let me be a good friend and also I wanna see you cry while I fuck you again.” Changkyun pouts and continues to grind on Seungyoon’s rapidly hardening dick. A surprised moan escapes Seungyoon as he tries to pry Changkyun’s hands off.

“Minho thinks he’s bi and may have been in love with me for the past two years and just didn’t want to say anything,” Seungyoon blurts when Changkyun bites one of the hickies littering his chest. Changkyun lets go of Seungyoon’s wrists and sits up straight, shocked at what he just heard.

“Shit. That’s huge.” Changkyun pauses, “Oh fuck, should we still be fucking?”

Seungyoon groans and ruts up into Changkyun. “ _ Yes _ , because we’re still talking it out and you promised to make me cry with your cock.”

“I dunno it makes me feel weird knowing that--” Seungyoon grabs Changkyun’s hand and pulls him into a kiss.

“Just fuck me. I’ll worry about me and Minho’s relationship status later.”

“Whatever you say, stud.” 

\---

It feels like Kihyun is always where Changkyun is. The house isn't small, but somehow Kihyun is always there in the same room. It'd be weird if Changkyun wasn't so elated about the change of behavior. Kihyun asks Changkyun to help him with dinner, to ask him for his opinion on how their cover is coming along. Invites him out with him and Hani to smoke. Hani seems to disappear halfway through these smoke sessions.

Sometimes after they've smoked their fill they fall onto the sofas in the living room. They talk some nights, while on other nights Kihyun's fingers get restless, like they need to be touching or doing something. Changkyun watches as he fiddles with guitars, keyboards, one time a sitar, hands deftly finding all the right notes. Sometimes he asks Changkyun to make up a melody, other times it’s like Changkyun doesn't even exist.

It's one of those nights, Kihyun pressed against Changkyun’s side, plucking out a soft melody on an ukulele. The music fills every crevice of Changkyun, making him feel whole. 

But that might just be Kihyun. 

The song slowly morphs into something Changkyun recognizes. He snorts when he realizes it's a Jason Mraz song.

“Didn't realize you were a sap,” Changkyun manages to get out. His tongue wants to stick to the roof of his mouth; he really should get something to drink. Tea would be good. But moving means leaving Kihyun's warmth.

“Say what you want about the man,” Kihyun drawls, eyes drooping. “But he does certainly know how to write a tune.”

Changkyun chuckles and leans further into Kihyun's warmth. He chooses not to think about why it feels easier to do this now, why Kihyun seems to have decided to open up to him more these days.

“Is this how you get all the fans’ panties in a bunch?” Somehow Changkyun rests his arm about Kihyun's shoulders. They're close again, close the same way they were at the party. But this time no one else is there, making lurid comments or bringing up embarrassing moments.

“Mmm, maybe. Didn't work in high school though.” Kihyun lays his head on Changkyun’s shoulder fingers playing with the hem of Changkyun’s sweater. “Only Hoseok and Yoongi paid attention to me back then.” Kihyun giggles a little. “Yoongi was like a puppy back then. What a little shit he turned out to be.”

Changkyun sucks in a sharp breath. Kihyun's fingers repeatedly brush lightly against Changkyun’s stomach. He loves being touched when he's high, not just sexually, but never seeks it out, too awkward to ask for cuddles and hands rubbing comfortingly up and down his sides. “I--I find--that hard to believe,” Changkyun stutters out.

A hum from his shoulder and Kihyun burrows a little more into Changkyun’s shoulder. It's hard for Changkyun to believe Kihyun really is eight years older than him seeing him like this. “I liked Rancid and Fugazi and Bowie and Prince and the Talking Heads when everyone else was listening to like, Britney Spears and whatever else 94.9 was playing.” Kihyun sighs again, palm spraying across Changkyun’s tummy. “I was weird. But so were Yoongi and Hoseok. Everyone else sorta followed after them.”

When he moves away, Changkyun immediately misses the warmth. It feels like there's a print of Kihyun's palm where it had been resting not 30 seconds ago.

“What about you?” It takes a moment for Changkyun to process what Kihyun just asked him. He blinks, confused, still wishing Kihyun would cuddle him again. “Being in a band was cool by the time you got to high school. You must've had a bunch of admirers.”

The smile on Kihyun's face is fond, sure, like he honestly believes that Changkyun was anything but a loser in high school. Kihyun's arm comes to rest on Changkyun’s on top of the sofa, blunt fingernails scratching a new song into Changkyun’s skin.

“I, uh,” Changkyun tries to begin. He doesn't know where he should start. “We weren't that popular. It didn't help that it was Catholic school and no one had any idea how to deal with openly gay kids without being assholes.”

“Oh,” Kihyun breathes, eyes wide. “I forgot about that.”

Changkyun shrugs. “It didn't matter really. I was a nerd and didn't really do much unless Jooheon or Jungkook or Jackson made me. Or Changmin.”

Changkyun leans onto the sofa back, resting his head on his shoulder. He watches as Kihyun thinks, little wrinkles between his eyebrows. He's not as young as he used to be, Changkyun can tell. But he likes this older version. This soft version who knows when to bite and when to soothe.

Changkyun fights the sick feeling building in his stomach. He's too deep already and there isn't even anything between the two of them.

Kihyun lazily leans forward, tapping Changkyun’s nose. “You're quiet all of a sudden.”

“Sorry,” Changkyun whispers, eyes on Kihyun's lips again. He catches in his periphery Kihyun's gaze flicking back and forth between Changkyun’s mouth and eyes. He scoots just a little closer, face close to Changkyun’s again. Changkyun tries to slow his heartbeat, to slow his breathing. He doesn't want to spook Kihyun or break whatever hold the atmosphere has on them. 

But Kihyun stops moving. 

He's gotta be less than half an inch from Changkyun’s lips and he just. 

Stops moving. 

It hits Changkyun that maybe Kihyun is waiting for him to bridge the gap. Changkyun can tilt his head a little and a little more forward and--and they’d be kissing. Should he? Should Changkyun--

“You’re thinking really loudly,” Kihyun murmurs, breath hitting Changkyun’s face. It should be unpleasant, but it’s not. Changkyun gulps and looks into Kihyun’s eyes.

“Fuck it.” Changkyun leans in. Brushes his nose against Kihyun’s before freezing. Takes a shuddering breath. And finally,  _ finally _ , meets Kihyun’s lips in a kiss.

It feels too nice and a shot of adrenaline zings down Changkyun’s spine. Kihyun groans quietly, tilting his head to deepen the kiss. Changkyun feels a little like his universe has imploded and all that’s left is Kihyun pressed against his lips, Kihyun moving closer, Kihyun’s tongue asking for entrance to Changkyun’s mouth. It feels too good, too right. Maybe it’s just the weed. Maybe, more likely, it’s Kihyun, the man that Changkyun’s looked up to forever, that makes this feel different from every other kiss Changkyun’s had.

Changkyun pulls away like he’s been shocked. Their lips pop from the suddenness and it takes  a moment for Kihyun to realize what’s happening. He frowns a little as Changkyun scrambles to his feet, almost falling on his ass in his haste. There’s something like disappointment on his face when Kihyun realizes what’s happening.

“I--god, I--” Changkyun wants to vomit. “I’m sorry.”

Changkyun can’t meet Kihyun’s eyes as he speed walks back to his room, feeling like he just made the biggest mistake of his life.

\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we got one more chapter to go yall.


	5. Chapter 5

Changkyun spends the next few days avoiding Kihyun. He doesn’t help out with food. He stops smoking with Kihyun and Hani. Hani, for some miraculous reason, doesn’t press him for answers, even she does give him knowing looks. Seungyoon seems to have picked up on it, but his down-time is occupied with catching up with his best friend. He wonders if anyone else has noticed how whenever they’re all in a room Changkyun sits as far from Kihyun as he can.

He knows Kihyun has. The hurt Changkyun sees on his face tells him so.

Changkyun feels so guilty. He doesn’t know how to put it into words. How it feels knowing he somehow hurt Kihyun. Changkyun knows he’s an idiot, but he’s scared. He’s never wanted anything so badly before. Not even success for Tiger Moth. Whenever he accidentally meets Kihyun’s eyes and the other man immediately looks away, the pit in his gut grows a little more.

Changkyun’s holed up in one of the studios when Hoseok comes to visit him. It catches him off guard; Hoseok and Hyungwon have been pretty scarce on their break. Hoseok knocks loud until Changkyun opens up for him. He smiles warmly as he makes himself at home on the couch behind Changkyun’s chair. 

For some reason it makes Changkyun nervous, seeing Hoseok here.

“Hey, kid.” Hoseok’s tone is soft, concerned. It makes Changkyun’s throat burn and he hasn’t even said anything yet. “How’s it going?”

“Uhm,” Changkyun croaks. What the hell. “Good? I guess?”

Hoseok hums in acknowledgment. “That’s good.”

Changkyun squirms as Hoseok looks around the studio. It feels a lot like he’s sweating Changkyun out. Changkyun doesn’t want it to work.

“Whatcha working on?” Hoseok leans forward now, looking at the track Changkyun has up on the monitor. He watches as Hoseok’s eyes glance down at the notebook on the desk as well. Changkyun makes a face and rolls his seat in front of the computer.

“It’s nothing. Just something I’ve been working on.” He  _ knows _ how defensive, even evasive, that answer is but he doesn’t care. Changkyun doesn’t want anyone knowing about the song, not yet, not when it’s barely formed.

“Can I hear it?” Hoseok’s persistent, Changkyun will give him that much. Hoseok scoots closer, fingers reaching for the space bar, moving slowly. Changkyun pushes his hand gently away. Hoseok cocks his head to the side, lips in a small pout.  _ God _ , Hoseok is too cute.

“I’m sorry. It’s--It’s not ready yet. It’s just a skeleton,” Changkyun quickly apologizes. Hoseok purses his lips again, but leans back.

“Alright.” Hoseok spreads out on the couch, taking what Changkyun can only describe as a father-with-a-shotgun stance. “So. How are things.” Not a question, a statement. “And don’t say good again. I know they’re not.”

Changkyun noisily lets out a breath and rests his head on his palms, suddenly very tired. “Are you here for something specific, Hoseok?”

“I heard some things. Felt like it was a good idea to find out exactly what’s going on.” Hoseok rests a hand on Changkyun’s head, letting his nails scratch along his nape. “Sometimes…it’s hard to know what we’re actually feeling. And that’s okay. But if you felt pressured to do anything…”

Changkyun jerks up, frown on his face. “Pressured?” Hoseok nods again, slower, expression still kind and concerned. “No. I--uhm. I don’t know what you heard. I definitely--there was no  _ pressure _ .”

“Okay. Okay, that’s good. That’s the last thing we would have wanted.” Hoseok’s voice is soothing, like he’s talking to a scared baby animal. Normally that tone would irk Changkyun, but because it’s Hoseok, he can’t find it in himself to be mad.

“Look. Hoseok. I’m--I need to get this done. I need…space, I guess?” Changkyun feels like such an asshole. “There was no pressuring, no--no  _ coercion _ . Just. Confusion. And I want to figure it out. On my own.”

Hoseok nods, making Changkyun worry that the man will turn into a bobblehead at any given moment. He stands up and pats Changkyun on the head. “Figure it out. Then talk to him.”

Hoseok doesn’t need to tell Changkyun who he means.

 

Yoongi is the next to seek him out. He is…less kind than Hoseok was.

“What the fuck did you and Kihyun do.” It sounds more like an accusation than anything. Yoongi slams his hands onto the table and Changkyun jumps, clutching at his heart in shock.

“The fuck? How did you even get in here?”

“This is my place. I have all the keys.” Yoongi smacks the table again. Changkyun winces as he watches his bottle rattle from the force. “Now. What did you  _ do _ ?”

“Nothing! We--we were just. Being bros. Like dudes. Dude.” Changkyun knows how weak that sounds before Yoongi scoffs. “Look, it’s nothing. Er, it’s  _ some _ thing but I haven’t figured out what yet. Okay? I’ll figure my shit out and--”

“Figure it out soon. I don’t want any drama in my house.” Yoongi startles when he realizes that Changkyun’s buried his head into the crook of his elbow. “Kyun, you okay?”

“Sorry, yeah. I just--” Changkyun wipes at his eyes, unsure exactly where that came from. Yoongi sighs next to him and pulls Changkyun onto the couch. He hugs the younger man close and awkwardly pats his head.

“Look. I’m not good at other people’s feelings. Me and Kookie are the most emotionally constipated people, I think, in the world.” Yoongi smiles a bit when Changkyun snorts. “Kihyun…he isn’t like that. He knows what he feels, even if he keeps it close. Sometimes it drives him nuts. Or at least it used to. Especially if he thinks he did something wrong.”

Yoongi keeps awkwardly patting Changkyun’s head, obviously still trying to think of what else to say about his ex and former creative partner. “I don’t…really know how Kihyun thinks anymore. I doubt it’s much different, but--” Here Yoongi sighs and Changkyun peeks up at him. “I think whatever you’re worried about, he feels the same.”

“I’m…scared,” Changkyun whispers. “I’ve never wanted anyone so badly.”

“Yeah, Kihyunnie has that effect on people,” Yoongi sighs. “Infuriating bastard, but you want him all the same.”

\---

“Hey, can I get your opinion on something?”

Kihyun blankly looks up at Changkyun who’s standing a little off to the side, staring down at his feet. Changkyun’s heart beats like Hani’s double bass as he waits for the older man’s response. He really, really hopes Kihyun says yes. Changkyun needs to fix things between them. 

He needs to show Kihyun that they’re okay.

Finally, Kihyun nods, face still a little confused. Changkyun is hyper aware of everyone’s gaze on him; he’s certain everyone knows that something happened by now. Changkyun nods also, not trusting his voice to say anything. He stuffs his hands further in his shorts pockets and leads Kihyun to one of the studios outside of the main house. 

Changkyun hopes it’s not too late.

Changkyun gestures to Kihyun to sit as he pulls up the track on the laptop. He hates how suffocating the silence feels. They had been doing so well and Changkyun just had to fuck it up. He gets the track up and turns to face Kihyun. The older man has his knees pulled him under his chin, making him look young and vulnerable. Changkyun’s eyes briefly flit over his hair; now grown out and the pink faded; down to Kihyun’s eyes. They’re watching him, wary but Changkyun thinks he might see some hope there. 

Changkyun swallows thickly, takes a deep breath, and hopes what he’s about to do will work. “I’ve, uh, I’ve been working on a song. I was--was hoping maybe. Uhm. Maybe you’d maybe consider singing it w-with me?”

“Like, Tiger Moth and the Newtons,” Kihyun says slowly, like he’s worried that speaking will spook Changkyun. He isn’t exactly wrong. “Like, our bands collaborating.”

“N-no.” Changkyun bites his lip and takes another deep breath. “Like. Uh, like  _ us _ . Just. Listen. And then you can make up your mind?”

Kihyun nods, arms wrapped around his knees still. Changkyun mirrors the movement, more as an assurance to himself before pressing play and moving to sit next to Kihyun. The opening chords start to play, but Changkyun can barely hear anything. His heartbeat is too loud. He watches Kihyun from the corner of his eye; his eyes are closed, lips pursed in thought. Kihyun really does have the prettiest profile Changkyun’s ever seen. Then Changkyun’s husky voice starts to filter through the speakers and it’s the moment of truth.

_ If I can’t turn it back _ __   
_ I want to start over now _ __   
_ Please believe in me once more _ __   
__   
_ We write a new story  _ __   
_ From 0 _ __   
_ I want to know everything about you again _ __   
_ Even if it’s really hard _ __   
_ From 0 _ _   
_ __ I want to have you in my arms again

Changkyun looks away from Kihyun then, too scared to see how the other man is reacting. He hopes the sincerity that he felt when writing the lyrics comes through in the recording. He hopes Kihyun will understand what he’s trying to say. 

The final strains of the song play, leaving them to sit in silence. Changkyun knows he should speak first, should ask if Kihyun likes it, if he knows what Changkyun wants to say. Changkyun closes his eyes, turns his body to Kihyun, and finds Kihyun already looking at him.

“You wrote that about us.” No question, no uncertainty. Kihyun’s lips are pulled down, eyebrows scrunched together. Changkyun briefly wonders what it’d be like to smooth the line there with his fingers. “About…how you feel.”

Changkyun slowly nods and moves towards Kihyun. “I’ve never wanted something like this before. You--I know that this probably looks bad. I--I’ve never exactly been, uh,  _ subtle _ \--” At this Kihyun snorts, his eyes shining with must be fondness and maybe something else-- “with how I feel, especially when it comes to you. But. Uhm.” 

Changkyun smiles sheepishly and plays with Kihyun’s fingers that had reached out for him as soon as he started speaking. “I’m crazy about you? No, like, I  _ know _ I’m crazy about you, that’s not a question. I just, uhm. I don’t want you to think that this is just some--some weird fan-wish-fulfillment for me.” Changkyun meets Kihyun’s gaze and almost completely forgets any language he may know. Changkyun’s halfway to composing at minimum three albums worth of love songs when Kihyun squeezes his hands a bit, drawing Changkyun back into reality. 

“I like you because you’re  _ you _ , not because you’re the lead singer of the Newtons. Or, like, my childhood hero. I like Yoo Kihyun, the asshole who never makes the bacon crispy enough, who doesn’t speak until he’s had at least two cups of coffee.”

Kihyun gives Changkyun a crooked smile, pulling him closer. “Am I not your hero anymore?”

“Out of that whole speech,  _ that’s _ what you got?” Changkyun tries to act offended but he really can’t, not when Kihyun’s  _ right there _ , holding Changkyun close like that’s exactly where he belongs. Kihyun lifts a hand to Changkyun’s cheek, thumb tracing over his cheekbones. Changkyun holds the hand by the wrist, turning to place a kiss on his palm. “I’m trying to say sorry and that I’m an idiot, and you want to know if you’re still my hero or not.”

“Well, considering your whole thing for  _ heros _ ,” wryly says Kihyun. Changkyun whines, dropping the hand against his cheek.

“I’m trying to be emotionally  _ vulnerable _ here, Kihyun. I want you to take me seriously.”

“Sorry, sorry, I do,” Kihyun says with a shiteating smile. “I just. I’m really happy, but don’t really know how to process it other than make fun of you.”

“Does, uhm. Does this mean I didn’t fuck up? Too badly?”

Kihyun rests his forehead against Changkyun’s. “No, you didn’t. I was worried I had.” Changkyun makes a strangled noise, making Kihyun giggle. It’s a beautiful sound. “I thought I had forced you to kiss me or something and that’s why you were avoiding me.”

“No! Hell no, I wanted to kiss you. I was--I  _ am  _ just scared shitless.” Changkyun’s very aware of how close they are again. “I, uh. Uhm. I always want to kiss you.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Then why don’t you?”

Changkyun freezes again, blinking as he lets that sink in. He breaks into a stupid grin and nods, jostling his nose against Kihyun’s. He leans in, less scared, less hesitant, and kisses Kihyun. It’s soft, just as soft as the first time. Changkyun scoots closer, wanting to feel more of Kihyun in his arms. Kihyun deepens the kiss, sighing when Changkyun responds eagerly. They break apart for a moment, just staring before they both grab for each other.

Kihyun runs a hand through Changkyun’s hair before grabbing a handful of hair at his nape. He settles onto Changkyun’s lap, both groaning when Kihyun’s ass meets Changkyun’s thighs. Kihyun ruts into Changkyun as he pulls Changkyun’s head to the side baring the long column of skin along his neck. First Kihyun nibbles along Changkyun’s tendons, making Changkyun growl and wrap his arms tight around Kihyun. He thrusts up into Kihyun who bites harder in retaliation. Kihyun licks where he bit and Changkyun nearly cums right then and there.

“What the  _ fuck _ ?”

“You like that,” Kihyun mutters into Changkyun’s skin. Changkyun tries to look at him, but Kihyun’s hand stays firm, holding his head to the side. Changkyun should be surprised about how aroused he is, but really, he isn’t. Kihyun licks again, pressing the metal ball on his tongue further into Changkyun’s skin. Changkyun groans again as his hips twitch.

“Jesus, how--when,” is all Changkyun can manage. Kihyun chuckles darkly, sucking right over his pulse point, making sure to press into the skin with his piercing.

Kihyun only pulls away to respond, “I’ve had this since I was 17, baby.”

Changkyun growls again, something feral and raw taking over. He flips Kihyun onto his back with a surprised squeak from the older man. Now it’s Changkyun’s turn to kiss down Kihyun’s neck, heady with the sound of his moans and pleas. 

Changkyun runs his hands up and under Kihyun’s shirt, just the way he always wanted, groaning when he gets to Kihyun’s pert nipples. “And your nipple piercings?” He flicks the barbells experimentally, loving how Kihyun arches below him. “You know they how crazy they make me?”

Kihyun flashes him a grin, rolling his hips against Changkyun. “Why don’t you show me,  _ kid _ ?”

Changkyun takes the challenge gladly, beginning with pulling off both their shirts. He hears a gasp from Kihyun before the older man is running his hands down Changkyun’s sides. “What the  _ hell _ ? Where have you been hiding  _ those _ ?” 

Kihyun’s fingers trace the lines of ink on Changkyun’s pecs, eyes wide and in awe. Changkyun blinks and flexes, a little surprised by the reaction. “I honestly can’t tell if you’re talking about my moobs or my tattoos.”

Kihyun pinches Changkyun’s nipples, causing him to double over with a surprised moan. “Brat. I’m talking about your ink.”

“How didn’t you notice them when--Nevermind. How about I fuck you first and then I’ll tell you about them?” Changkyun goes back to getting them both naked, loving the reactions he’s getting from Kihyun.

“ _ Shit _ , yes, good--let’s--” Kihyun breaks off into a mewl when Changkyun takes one of his nipples into his mouth, letting his tongue flick over the piercing. His other hand wanders over Kihyun’s torso, dipping every so often under the top of Kihyun’s boxer briefs to graze the warm skin. 

Changkyun pulls away, appreciating the sight in front of him: Kihyun sprawled on his back, the outline of his cock just there in front of Changkyun. His eyes follow the tendrils of purple and green ink from one hip up to Kihyun’s stomach, an intricate, traditionally designed seal on his other hip bone. Changkyun gently lifts Kihyun’s hips, placing a kiss on each tattoo before looking up at Kihyun. “Can I?”

Kihyun nods, “God, yes,  _ please _ .” Kihyun sighs when Changkyun pulls the clothes off, leaving him completely naked. Changkyun sits on his heels, staring at Kihyun, totally naked, in front of him. He thinks he feels his soul leave his body as he traces the dragon from Kihyun’s mid-thigh to where it ends, above Kihyun’s hip, dissolving into the tendrils Changkyun had kissed only moments before. His other thigh has a flaming rooster fighting a tiger, done in brilliant reds and oranges and in a similar style as the dragon. Changkyun trails his fingers over the smooth skin, in awe of its intricacy and beauty. 

The older man whines, hips bucking up, looking for friction. Changkyun lets his fingers trail further up, up, up, and passed where Kihyun so desperately wants him to touch, grinning when Kihyun whines again, this time annoyed. “Are you going to touch me or not?”

“But,  _ Kiki _ , I am touching you,” Changkyun says as innocently as he can muster. He tweaks Kihyun’s nipples again, relishing in the reaction.

“Touch me  _ properly _ ,  _ Kkukunggie _ ,” Kihyun growls, hand back on Changkyun’s neck. Heat rushes through Changkyun’s body and he groans, mouth going to Kihyun’s stomach. He bites down and sucks the skin into his mouth as he continues to play with Kihyun’s nipples. Kihyun ruts up into Changkyun, hands tangled up in his hair, soft breathy sounds escaping every so often.

“You’re fucking wrecked and I haven’t even touched your dick yet.” Changkyun kisses down past Kihyun’s belly button, following the faint trail of hair. Changkyun kind of wants to bury his face in the neatly trimmed pubes surrounding Kihyun’s cock, flushed and hard inches from his face. It smells musky, sweaty, a little bitter. It’s disgusting in a way that gets Changkyun’s blood rushing south.

He gives an experimental tug, loving how velvety the skin of Kihyun’s dick feels in his palm. Kihyun lets out a whine and bucks up into the friction. Changkyun takes the swollen head into his mouth, using his tongue to push the foreskin down and away. The taste of precum spreads over his tongue and he groans, hands gripping Kihyun’s thighs tight. The thought that he might leave bruises makes him grip harder. Kihyun keens, helplessly aroused and cock pearling precum into Changkyun’s eager mouth.

Changkyun bobs his head, trying to build a rhythm. Kihyun’s hand gently guides him up and down, eyes scrunched up as he tries to both enjoy how it feels to have Changkyun quite literally worshipping his cock and stave off his orgasm. Changkyun tests out varying degrees of suction and Kihyun thrashes, moans turning to pleas. Changkyun pulls off his cock with a slick pop and finally shucks off his basketball shorts and boxers. When Kihyun sees Changkyun’s dick, he lets out a low purr, looking up through his lashes at Changkyun. 

“You’re going to fuck me with that, right?”

“I mean, that was the plan.” Changkyun looks around the studio, wondering aloud to himself, “If there’s any lube anyway.”

Kihyun rolls off the couch and pads his way over to a small stand in the corner of the room. Changkyun watches as he rummages through, admiring how Kihyun’s muscles flex beneath the complex body suit adorning his back. While his thigh pieces are intricate and delicate, the bodysuit is all bold lines, thick outlines giving way to smaller dots and swirls. The black is somehow darker than the black ink in his other tattoos even though Changkyun knows that the suit is older. The bold clouds wrap around the edges of Kihyun’s body, making his waist look more tapered than it really is and the gold, green, and pink mandala between his shoulder blades shifts so wonderfully with each movement. Changkyun’s gaze wanders to just above Kihyun’s ass, admiring the gorgeous lotus blooming just below Kihyun’s lower back and ending right where the swell of his ass begins.

“Enjoying the view?”

“Immensely,” Changkyun responds, smirking at Kihyun. “Did you find what you’re looking for?”

“Yep.” Kihyun tosses a small sachet of lube and a condom to Changkyun. “Yoongi always has lube and condoms somewhere. Fuckin’ perv.”

“Says the man about to get fucked in the very same studio Yoongi and Jungkook have probably fucked in.” Changkyun gets up and wraps himself around Kihyun, nibbling on his earlobe. “I'm gunna wreck you, Kiki.”

Kihyun clearly tries to keep his composure even as he presses back into Changkyun. “I'd like to see you try,” he pants, voice a little more strained as Changkyun grinds his cock between his ass cheeks.

The chuckle that comes from Changkyun sends a shiver down Kihyun’s spine, terrified and excited for what he’s planning. Changkyun pushes Kihyun so he’s bent over the armrest of the couch, a hand pressing right on top of the mandala between his shoulders while the other arranges Kihyun’s cock so it’s pressed perpendicular to the floor. A lubed finger trails up the shaft, over his balls, and around Kihyun’s rim. Changkyun drapes himself over the other man as best he can while still teasing him. “You know, you’re going to show me how good you are with that piercing of yours sometime. Think you could make me cum with just your mouth?”

Kihyun lets out a high keen, trying to answer. Changkyun’s finger presses a little harder, just to get Kihyun to press back into the finger. “I  _ know _ I can, kid.”

Changkyun finally works his finger into Kihyun, but instead of pumping it in and out, he just lets his finger rest there, every once and awhile tapping along Kihyun’s walls. “Mmm, I fully plan on making you prove that to me some time soon, baby.”

“Can’t wait,” Kihyun bites out, impatient for Changkyun to get on with it. He tries to move his hips, but between Changkyun pressing him down with his body and a firm leg pressing him into the couch arm, Kihyun doesn’t have much of a range of motion.

“Stay still, baby. Let me do what I do best.” Changkyun’s voice has morphed into something deeper, more sultry than what Kihyun is used to hearing. He lets out a groan, head against the cushions. Changkyun mouths at the shoulder beneath him knowing any marks will probably be lost in the ink, but he doesn’t mind. Not right now. Not when Kihyun wriggles beneath him and whimpering.

Changkyun starts moving his fingers in and out, trying to gauge exactly how loose or flexible Kihyun is. He’s able to slip his next finger in fairly quickly, smirking when Kihyun collapses fully when Changkyun grazes his prostate. He gently taps close to the bundle of nerves, revelling in the way Kihyun twitches and cries out each time he does it. He alternates between tapping and rubbing, trying to keep Kihyun on the edge. Changkyun knows how good he is with his fingers; playing bass for years only makes it easier for him finger someone all night if he was feeling particularly sadistic. Kihyun keeps making choked whines, legs trying to kick out, hands grabbing onto the sides of the couch in a desperate attempt to ground himself.

“Chang--Changkyun,  _ please _ , just fuck me, I can’t--” Kihyun lets out a loud sob, head thrashing from side to side as Changkyun changes his rhythm again. “I can’t wait any longer. I need--Please,  _ for fuck’s sake _ \--”

And like that Kihyun loses all body heat from Changkyun, fingers gone from his ass. For a moment he’s too stunned to protest, frozen in his spot, worried maybe he scared Changkyun away again. When he glances back, Kihyun finds Changkyun stroking his now condom clad dick, admiring the view. “You know this would be better if your dick was in me.”

“Yeah, but let me enjoy this.” Changkyun’s eyes are a little glazed, tongue licking over his lips as he takes up his position behind Kihyun. “You know, I always kinda thought you’d be fucking me if this ever happened.”

“Well, that’s something we can try out when I’m not literally begging you for your dick, Changkyun.”

Changkyun somehow giggles before pushing the head of his cock against Kihyun’s reddened rim. He slowly breaches the muscles and inch by inch, sheathes himself in Kihyun. Kihyun sighs happily, enjoying how Changkyun stretches him out. Changkyun breathes in through his nose, trying not to be too overwhelmed by the reality of the situation.

Kihyun’s tight around Changkyun, walls contracting every so often as he adjusts. Changkyun holds his hips steady while beginning to move his hips. Kihyun pushes back, trying to get Changkyun to hit deep inside him. His hand goes back to the mandala, stroking over the skin as Changkyun builds his speed. Kihyun whines and lets Changkyun fuck into him, already so sensitive from the extended touches. Kihyun starts begging, asking for it  _ harder, faster, give it to me _ , mouth seemingly no longer filtering through Kihyun’s mind. Changkyun groans and lifts up one of Kihyun’s legs, letting him get a better angle. Kihyun’s back arches; the new position has Changkyun’s cock grazing over his prostate with every thrust.

“Are you close, baby?” Kihyun only manages to whine in response. “Shit, me too. Think you can cum like this? D’ya need my help, baby?”

Kihyun cries out when Changkyun takes a hand and rubs it over his neglected cock. Changkyun’s drunk off that sound. That’s what he wants to hear for the rest of his life right before he cums. He speeds his hips up as much as he can manage, feeling the burn of his muscles protesting it. “Come on, cum for me, Kiki.”

Not even 30 seconds after, Kihyun cums all over Changkyun’s hand and the carpet, sobbing and twitching as Changkyun fucks him through his aftershocks. Changkyun pulls out, rolls off the condom and jerks himself to completion on Kihyun’s back. He leans down and trails kisses from Kihyun’s nape to the mess he made before running his fingers through it and feeding it to Kihyun. He watches with blown pupils as Kihyun obediently opens his mouth, letting himself be fed, cheek still squished into the cushion. Changkyun collapses onto the floor and has to crawl to grab a towel and some tissues.

“We may have ruined the carpet.” Changkyun keeps trying to clean the spot, but he’s fairly certain it’s permanent. Hopefully Yoongi won’t kill them. It’s not like they got it on any equipment.

“You may have ruined  _ me _ ,” comes Kihyun’s groggy response. Changkyun looks up to where Kihyun still pants on the couch, staring up at the ceiling with a hand over his heart. The sight makes him feel so fond, so warm, so  _ content _ and he abandons his mission to kiss Kihyun again. Kihyun smiles back up at him. “Seriously. How did you get so good at this, you’re a  _ kid _ .”

“See, that’s the problem. I keep telling you all I’m not a kid.” Changkyun gives Kihyun a greasy smile before moving his head up so he can squeeze onto the couch. He lays Kihyun’s head back onto his lap, not wanting this to ever end. Changkyun cards his fingers through Kihyun’s hair, the movement lulling both men closer to sleep. Changkyun bites his lips, scared to ask, but knowing he needs to. 

“Kihyun…what happens now?” Changkyun looks down at the sleepy man. Kihyun blinks, clearly thinking about what Changkyun just said.

“Well. We should shower. Get some water and food. And then talk some more, probably.” Kihyun tips his head back so he can have a better view of Changkyun’s face. “And then we keep talking, make sure we know each other’s needs.”

Kihyun reaches up and brushes Changkyun’s bangs out of his face. He gently holds Changkyun’s cheek, everything in his expression soft. Changkyun feels his whole being soar. “I want this to work,” Kihyun starts. “I’ve…grown really fond of you. And I really feel like…I think we could really work, if you want that. I’d like us to.”

Changkyun feels his face break into a huge smile and he can’t stop himself when he leans down to kiss Kihyun. Then he remembers he can kiss Kihyun whenever he likes now. That Kihyun wants to try and be together, maybe forever. Changkyun giggles, in disbelief and so completely happy.

“I’d like that,” he finally manages, giving Kihyun another kiss. “I’d like that a lot.”

\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kihyun's tattoo inspo: [bodysuit](https://www.instagram.com/p/BP39qAzlz0t/?taken-by=pitta_kkm), [thigh dragon](http://www.tattooideaspictures.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/dragon-tattoo-design-25.jpg), [hip seal](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/f1/37/d3/f137d3048dbf15ceaf914d5baaaafaaf.jpg)
> 
> Changkyun's surprise tattoo: [chest piece](https://www.instagram.com/p/BBd52CoAjzn/?taken-by=ladvtattoos), but instead of a skull he's got a snarling tiger for obvious reasons.
> 
> Lyrics are from the greatest song of all time "From Zero" written by my boy Wonho. In my brain it'd probably sound like somewhere in between "My Blue Heaven" and "Divine Intervention" by Taking Back Sunday.
> 
> I'm sad this is the end!! I hope all of yall who've read like the ending. Sorry it's not like. The greatest ending in the history of endings. But it felt right for them.
> 
> Besides, there might be an epilogue. Or something. I dunno. I'm not ready to give up this AU okay?


	6. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for smutty times with some bdsm elements!

The crowd chants and Changkyun shifts the guitar in his hands, taking a deep breath. The stage is dark, but he knows the rest of the band is there with him. A sold out tour. Changkyun grins to himself. 

They still got it.

A single spotlight comes up on Changkyun as he plays the opening chords of “From Zero.” He hears a roar of excitement explode from the crowd when they realize what this means. He makes it through the first verse when Kihyun finally walks onto stage, honeyed voice joining Changkyun’s deeper one. Changkyun can’t help the grin on his face when he sees his husband walking to him.

The screams then overwhelm, almost drowning out everything Changkyun can hear in the monitors. It doesn’t matter. Him and Kihyun have sung this song so many times; Changkyun sings it in his sleep. Kihyun reaches for Changkyun, wrapping an arm around Changkyun’s waist. There’s wisps of silver already in Kihyun’s hair, even though he’s only in his early 40s. Changkyun thinks it only makes him more handsome. 

Changkyun can’t take his eyes off Kihyun, just like when he first saw the man. When the song finishes, Kihyun pulls Changkyun into a kiss, causing the fans to scream even louder.

“Say thanks to my husband!” Changkyun grins, still staring at Kihyun. Kihyun laughs, presses another kiss to Changkyun’s temple and waves to the crowd.

Changkyun has never been happier.

It’s been ten years since that first tour with the Newtons. Ten years and five Grammys later, Changkyun likes to say. Yoongi claims the first two Grammys are his doing. Changkyun and the rest of the group are willing to let him think that. Now they’re on their anniversary tour, successful, happy, ready to take a break so they can all focus on something other than the music for a few years. Changkyun can’t wait to play housewife for Kihyun. Can’t wait to spend all of his time chasing his--their--adopted kids around the house. Can’t wait to have what he’s always imagined.

Later that night, Kihyun presses him into the wall, tongue piercing still in place even though the nipple piercings are long gone. His hands are rough and sure; they’ve done this so many times it’s second nature the way Kihyun bites that one spot that always makes Changkyun weak in the knees. Tonight everything is a little rougher than normal, a little coarser, reminding Changkyun a lot of when they first got together.

“You did so good, baby boy,” Kihyun growls into Changkyun’s ear. He grinds his hips into Changkyun’s thigh, making sure his younger husband knows exactly how hard he is. Changkyun whines, hands scrambling to find something to anchor him when Kihyun sucks another mark into his neck. “I love seeing you on stage. I’m so proud of you.”

They pull each other’s clothes off, Kihyun kissing down Changkyun’s chest, nipping and sucking along the way, until he gets to Changkyun’s jeans. Changkyun’s biting his lips so hard he’s worried he might be drawing blood, but Kihyun’s looking at him with that familiar expression. Kihyun applies pressure from the base of Changkyun’s cock and keeps it steady as he rubs up. He smirks up at Changkyun, looking so smug when his husband’s knees nearly give out.

“Kiki, please,” Changkyun pants, fingers clutching Kihyun’s hair. “Please. I’ve been good.”

Kihyun runs his nose up and down the zip of his jeans, looking blissful as Changkyun tightens his grip. “Okay, baby. You’ve been a good boy. I’ll take care of you now.”

Kihyun slowly unzips the jeans and Changkyun falls against the wall, low whine slipping through his lips. He tries to hold still as Kihyun works the rest of his clothes off, tries not to buck into his husband’s hand when he finally touches his hard dick. Kihyun pumps up and down, still looking like absolute sin and Changkyun doesn’t think it’s fair. It’s not fair his heart still leaps to his throat whenever Kihyun looks at him, that he turns to putty whenever Kihyun decides to take control. 

It’s not fair, but he also knows Kihyun feels the same.

Kihyun’s just as in love with Changkyun as he is with him.

Kihyun takes Changkyun’s cock into his mouth, making sure to run his piercing along the vein on the underside of Changkyun’s cock. Changkyun gasps when Kihyun lets the ball pass over his slit, body shaking from the stimulation. Kihyun wastes no time taking him deep into his throat. He knows how Changkyun likes it, knows just how to suck or when to pull off to keep his husband exactly where he wants him. 

Kihyun starts off slow, just teasing and enjoying the way Changkyun groans whenever his piercing digs just a little too much into his shaft. How many times has Kihyun done this now? He bets Changkyun keeps a tally somewhere in his head. Changkyun’s hands tangle further in Kihyun's hair and he watches with wide eyes as Kihyun's nose finally rests against his freshly showered skin. Changkyun’s hips twitch, forcing the head of his dick further down Kihyun’s throat, making the older man hum appreciatively. 

Changkyun looks down and thrusts forward slowly. Kihyun nods as best he can with a mouth and throat full of cock. With a happy sigh, Changkyun starts building a rhythm that he knows Kihyun can handle. He loves the way Kihyun’s eyes quiver beneath his eyelids or the way Kihyun sighs happily whenever Changkyun’s cock hits the back of his throat. He’s so breathtaking, it drives Changkyun crazy. 

“I dunno when you’re prettier,” Changkyun groans, still staring in awe of Kihyun. “When you’re on stage or on your knees.”

Kihyun pulls off with a pop and makes a show of rolling eyes at his younger husband. “I’m fairly certain you say I’m hot as fuck on stage and pretty with a cock in my mouth.”

He unceremoniously takes Changkyun back into his mouth, sucking sharply just to make a point. “Ah,  _ fuck _ , true. But--” Changkyun chokes when Kihyun digs his tongue piercing into his slit, just to fuck with him. “You’re  _ always _ pretty with a cock in your mouth.”

Kihyun smacks Changkyun’s ass and stands up. “Get on the bed, chatty Cathy. Time to shut you up.”

Changkyun scrambles onto the bed, dick bobbing between his thighs in his excitement. Kihyun snorts and digs something out from underneath their bed before following. Changkyun eyes the bag in his husband’s hands in anticipation. With a flourish Kihyun pulls Changkyun out of his jeans and boxers before dropping four leather cuffs onto Changkyun’s stomach.

“Oh fuck, is tonight one of those nights?” Changkyun picks one up, unable to control the way his whole body seems to twitch when he runs his finger along the fur-lined inside. Kihyun nods and pulls out three more items: a double ended cock ring, a blindfold, and a vibrating prostate massager.

“You’ve done so well on this tour,” Kihyun murmurs, running his hands up and down Changkyun’s sides. “I want to make you feel good, especially after all the work you’ve put in.” Kihyun kisses up Changkyun’s neck; the younger man trembles in an attempt to stay still. “Let me take care of you, baby boy.”

Changkyun fully melts at that, the rare pet name that Kihyun only breaks out when they’re fucking. Changkyun nods and lets Kihyun manhandle him into position. He holds his thighs up as Kihyun fastens the cuffs in place. Even if Changkyun wanted to, his thighs and wrists are now bound by the chains between the cuffs.

“I’m going to blindfold you now, baby boy. That okay?”

“Kiss me once before you do it,” Changkyun demands, voice already pitching a little higher than normal. Kihyun chuckles breathlessly before swooping down to capture Changkyun’s lips. He gently slips the blindfold over Changkyun’s eyes when he moves away and now Changkyun truly cannot see. He can feel Kihyun trail his hands back down his torso before all physical contact ceases. He can hear Kihyun rummaging around before a lubed hand takes Changkyun’s dick in hand and strokes up and down. Changkyun doesn’t even try to hold back his whimper when he feels the cock ring slip around his base and then around the glans beneath the head, the strip of silicone connecting each end applying the faintest of pressure along the vein on the underside. 

His hips are lifted in an unseemly fashion and when placed back down, Changkyun notices a towel’s been placed under him. He hears the snap of the lube bottle and he lets out an involuntary whine. He hears Kihyun chuckle darkly and then a finger presses against his rim.

“Do I need to stretch you, baby boy? Or are you still loose enough from last time that your toy will slip right in?”

Changkyun whines again in reply, mouth dropping open when the prostate massager breaches his rim and slides easily into place. It’s not that big to begin with; it’s barely thicker than a thumb. Changkyun feels Kihyun prod at the base a bit before it starts vibrating. He squirms and gasps, trying to reposition the tip more firmly against his prostate.

“Stop moving,” Kihyun says, sharply smacking Changkyun’s exposed ass. Changkyun immediately stops his squirming, but still panting. “Good boy. Do you remember your safeword?”

Changkyun nods, “Joshua.”

“Good. Shall we begin?” 

Changkyun doesn’t get to respond before the first strike hits him in the ass. He sighs, forcing his eyes further shut. His hands are shaking and his dick throbs when the flogger strikes him again on the opposite thigh.

“God, you’re so hard already.” Kihyun’s voice sounds so far away. Changkyun’s mind is a little hazy already, already starting to sink lower into that headspace they haven’t been able to play in for months. “I wish you could see yourself, baby boy. You look so good for me. Will you let me take care of you, hm?”

Changkyun lets out a whimper and then Kihyun’s gloved hand rubs some lotion over the reddened skin. Before removing his hand, Kihyun swiftly spanks Changkyun. The younger man moans as his body twitches from the strike. 

Kihyun trails fingers down Changkyun’s balls, pressing onto his perineum. Changkyun whines and twists. “Please, please, Ki. More. Please, pleasepleaseplease, I’ve been so good.”

“Mmm, you have been, haven’t you?” Kihyun spanks Changkyun again before returning his finger to its previous spot, rubbing circles there. “You’ve worked so hard, baby boy. You’ve made me so proud.”

Changkyun winces when Kihyun brings an ice cube to the heated skin, dragging it up and down, over the small welts beginning to form. Some precum drips onto his stomach. Changkyun is so, so aware of every time Kihyun touches him either with his hands or the ice cube. His whole world shrinks to just those points and it leaves him panting. He desperately wants Kihyun to touch his cock, but he knows Kihyun will when he sees fit. He trusts Kihyun.

Another sharp slap to his ass jerks Changkyun deeper into his headspace. He whines, mouth hanging open. Two fingers slip into his mouth and he sucks eagerly. 

“Good boy. That’s a good boy, Changkyunnie. So good.” Kihyun’s voice filters into Changkyun’s distant mind and fills him with warmth. He licks between Kihyun’s knuckles, coating each one diligently. “What a good boy. My good boy.”

Kihyun gently pets Changkyun’s face before pressing another button to up the vibrations in the prostate massager. Changkyun’s jaw drops further open and Kihyun presses his fingers down on his tongue, keeping his mouth open.

“Is this okay, baby?” Changkyun nods. His hips try to buck up but it’s hard to create any sort of momentum when his arms and thighs are strapped together. Kihyun’s fingers press a little harder at the back of Changkyun’s throat and he lets out a small, wet whimper. Kihyun presses a knee to Changkyun’s ass, forcing the toy further inside. It’s a little bit above where Changkyun wants it now, but the teasing is maddening and this is the most contact Kihyun has given him so far. 

Kihyun removes his hand from Changkyun’s mouth, moving it instead to cup him between his legs. Changkyun lets out a choked sob, limbs twitching from the contact. Kihyun slowly pumps his cock, his knee still pressed against the base of the toy. He makes sure to put more pressure along the piece of silicone connecting the two rings and on the ring pressing into the glans. Each stroke makes Changkyun cry out and it’s Kihyun’s second favorite sound. 

“You should see yourself right now.” 

Changkyun grunts, mind unable to form anything longer than a couple words. He feels so, so, so good right now. There’s nothing right now except him and Kihyun and it’s absolutely wonderful.

“Are you going to be a good boy for me?” Changkyun nods. Kihyun spanks him. “Words, baby.”

“Yes,” Changkyun croaks. “I’ll--I’ll be good. For you.”

“Good.” Kihyun clicks the vibration up to its max and then twists the dial so it pulses every couple seconds. Changkyun yells out, whole body tensing. “Shhh, you don’t want anyone hearing do you?”

“N-no?” Changkyun gets another spank. “Ah-- _ fuck _ .”

“Language,” comes the languid reply. “You slut. You want people to hear don’t you? Bet you wish you had a cock down your throat. Would that shut you up?”

Changkyun whines and wriggles more on the bed. Kihyun’s knee had moved it just enough and Changkyun is losing his fucking mind with  _ need _ : Need for the toy to press against his nerves, for Kihyun to touch him instead of standing somewhere else in the room, for Kihyun to finally just fuck him.

“No,” Changkyun hears Kihyun finally say, voice much closer than before. Kihyun licks up his neck, pressing his piercing into Changkyun’s skin just to hear him whine. He pulls away, hand in Changkyun’s hair. “I don’t think it would. You like choking on a cock too much to be quiet.”

Changkyun’s panting beneath him. He can’t see Kihyun right now and it’s driving him nuts. What does Kihyun look like right now? Is he as turned on as Changkyun is? He must be, he has to be. Is he trying to play it off as disinterest? Or is he gazing at his husband with open lust? Changkyun lets out a pitiful whine, hands grasping at air before clawing at his knees. 

He hears Kihyun click his tongue before, “So impatient. I was getting your present ready, baby boy.”

Before Changkyun can even think about asking about a present, Kihyun removes the blindfold. Changkyun blinks a few times to help reorient himself and he whimpers when he finally sees Kihyun.

He’s no longer in the outfit he was wearing before. Instead, Kihyun sports a tight, black latex dress. Changkyun can easily make out the soft planes of his body beneath the fabric and the outline of his hard cock curving up his stomach. 

“Ki-Kihyun. Please.” Changkyun has to close his eyes again. He half expects Kihyun to be either in his old clothes or fully naked when he opens them. But he’s still in the dress. “Ki--How--”

“Shh, baby boy. I know, talking’s hard right now, mm?” Kihyun leans in and kisses Changkyun fully, hungry and desperate. “Do you like your present? Minhyuk found it in Folsom a couple months ago.”

Changkyun groans again, hands still scratching at his knees, his inner thighs, dying for contact. Kihyun pushes one leg down, bringing the corresponding arm with it. “Are your arms still okay, baby? If I let you down will you promise not to touch yourself?”

Changkyun nods his head so quickly he probably could give himself whiplash if Kihyun wasn’t gently holding the back of his neck. Kihyun unclips his hands and thighs, gently placing them flat on the bed. Changkyun’s whole body shakes as he watches Kihyun move back between his legs. “I know how much you like my tongue, so why don’t we play with that, okay?”

“Okay,” Changkyun whispers. His head still swims a bit and his limbs feel so heavy. Kihyun digs his thumbs into the still sore skin of his ass and spreads apart his cheeks. He wiggles the still vibrating toy out of Changkyun’s ass, making sure to press against Changkyun’s prostate on the way out. 

“If you touch yourself at all, baby boy, I won’t let you cum, okay? Just let me take care of you. I’ll make sure you cum.” Changkyun whines but nods, firmly placing his hands beneath his ass so Kihyun can hold them if he wants or needs to.

Kihyun admires the view in front of him. Changkyun’s eyes are glassy whenever they flutter open and his chest and face are flushed a dark red. His cock is a similar color with little beads of precum leaking out onto his soft tummy. The puckered rim of Changkyun’s ass calls to Kihyun though, so he breathes a hot breath over it just to watch it react. 

Changkyun doesn’t expect the contact, so when Kihyun finally licks a broad stripe directly over his entrance his whole body arcs off the mattress. His heels drive into the soft surface beneath him as Changkyun tries desperately to simultaneously force more of Kihyun’s tongue into him and move away from the sensation. It feels heavenly, especially once Kihyun’s titanium piercing joins the fun. The way the little ball catches from time to time has both of them groaning. It presses against his rim so deliciously, Changkyun isn’t sure he’ll be able to hold himself back for the main event. The cock rings constrict him more and only add to the overwhelming sensations. The one right around his head presses into the nerves there and makes Changkyun mewl when one of Kihyun’s hands comes to delicately stroke the head of his dick. 

Kihyun gently works a finger in next to his tongue, pleased with the reactions he continues to get from Changkyun. Two fingers easily stretch Changkyun, so Kihyun adds a third just to be a tease. Changkyun groans and reaches out to grab hold of Kihyun’s free hand. They intertwine their fingers as Changkyun rocks onto his husband’s hand and tongue.

“God, baby boy, you’re being so good for me. Your hole is so greedy. Bet you could take my whole fist, hm?” Kihyun sucks on the stretched rim before licking over it again. Changkyun cries out and one of his legs kicks out, almost hitting Kihyun’s head. “Maybe another time, then. Do you want me to fuck you?”

“Yes,” Changkyun barely manages to respond. His mind is reeling from all the sensations and his dick throbs with every time his heart beats. His blurry eyes watch as Kihyun pulls away from his ass and pulls up the bottom hem of his dress. Changkyun can’t help the moan that escapes when Kihyun’s cock finally springs free. Finally that’s going to fuck him into the mattress the way Changkyun loves.

Kihyun lubes himself up before lining up and pushing in. Both men sigh in relief once Kihyun’s hips hit the back of Changkyun’s thighs. Kihyun watches as Changkyun continues to pant, pupils fully blown. Changkyun’s hands scramble to his forearms, using them to ground himself. The latex is sticky and slippery beneath his hands and the sensation is weird but not unpleasant. Kihyun snaps his hips back before rocking slowly back in, watching how Changkyun reacts to each slow drag.

“Please,” he begs quietly, voice high and tinny. Kihyun nods and complies. It isn’t hard to find the right rhythm; Kihyun knows exactly how Changkyun likes it after all these years. Changkyun eventually cums with a shout, long white ropes covering his torso and tummy as Kihyun speeds up, trying to reach his own climax. When Kihyun slams in and empties into Changkyun, he watches in awe as Changkyun’s cock spurts just a little more out.

Changkyun whines in protest when Kihyun pulls out, but the older man gently shushes him, pushing his hair from his face. “It’s okay, baby boy. You’re such a good boy for me, let me clean you up and we can go to bed, alright?”

“Okay.” Changkyun nuzzles his face into Kihyun’s palm and gets a kiss for being so cute. Kihyun shimmies into some boxers before rushing into the bathroom for a clean towel. He wipes down his husband, murmuring quiet praises the whole time. He helps Changkyun into the shower, rubbing him down again and washing away all of the spunk and sweat that has started to crust up on his skin. Once they’re back in bed, Kihyun massages Changkyun until they’re both half asleep with contentment.

The last thing Kihyun hears before falling asleep is his favorite thing in the world.

“Love you, Kiki.”

“Love you too, Kkukkunggie.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay NOW we are truly done with the changki portion of this story. i hope you all loved it as much as i loved writing it!!!

**Author's Note:**

> find me on your local trashsites: [twitter](https://twitter.com/swsonyeondan) or [tumblr](http://seonweon-sonyeondan.tumblr.com/ask)


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